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jacques cousteau vs steve irwin - epic rap battles of history lyrics

[announcer]
epic rap battles of history!
jacques cousteau!
vs!
steve irwin!
begin!

jacques cousteau:
jacques cousteau, here to speed flow
invented scuba, captained the calypso
palme d’or-winning doc-menter of the ocean
ready to battle a desperate, sweaty showman!
you’re chunky and soft, you get on my nerves!
you’re the only manatee i don’t want to conserve!
my life aquatic was adventure and beauty
i’m so cool, bill murray played me in ze movie
i have oscars! you’re in doctor dolittle 2!
so run back home to your daddy’s zoo!
and just to be clear, ‘cause i’m no veterinarian:
were you k!lled by a fish kids pet at ze aquarium?

steve irwin:
holy smokes, what a place to go!
you’d need a submarine for a blow that low! (awhh!)
you’d better run! you’d better take cover!
’cause crikey, i’m going from croc to jacques hunter!
have a look at this salty fella:
his face looks like it’s made of pure leather!
look out! he’s got the body of a naked mole rat!
he’s cranky ‘cause he has to wear a papa smurf hat!
i’m a wild man, you’re a subdued sub dude!
the only crocs you could handle are some slip-on shoes
crikey! you’re such a boring guy
you could make a whole show about the ocean dry!
but with the sheilas you sure had fun
your mistress was as young as your first-born son!
you never shoulda stepped to the wildlife defender
now embrace your french nature and quietly surrender!

jacques cousteau:
talk about sons, better watch what you say now
you almost turned yours into outback mistake-house!

steve irwin:
would you rather talk about your brother? ooh boy!
n-z-! n-z-! n-z-! oy! oy! oy!

jacques cousteau:
enough of your antics and madness!
contain yourself, like my underwater breathing apparatus
you’re a joke of a bloke in a tacky khaki romper
go grope a dope rope, crocodile humper!
there’s a type of snail, recently discovered
and named after you — i’ll eat zem with b-tter!
hey skippy, the bush-league kangaroo
hold the d, i’m crocodile dun with you!

steve irwin:
where ya goin’, fella? hang on a minute!
like a joey in a pouch, this ain’t quite finished!
take a look how destructive your old films are
silent world? more like silent worldstar!
if you wanna count fish, please take the reef tour
don’t go throwin’ c-4 on the sea floor!
i’m the gold medal rhymer on the podium
cleanin’ you up like a jacques cousteau-dian (wooo!)
i’m mother nature’s greatest conservationist
when i rock the mic, i’m danger! danger! dangerous!
so go back down under with your crew
i just blew through you like a didgeridoo!

[announcer]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide!
eeeeeeeeeeeepic rap battles of history!

- epic rap battles of history lyrics

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