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paul bunyan vs johnny appleseed - epic rap battle parodies lyrics

[intro]
epic rap battle parodies
paul bunyan
vs
johnny appleseed
begin

[verse 1: paul bunyan]
ey, chapman, you won’t survive this pain that i’m bringing
how can you win? i cut appletree’s for a living
stop lumberjacking off and focus, i’m manly as h*ll
you’re a nurse, maggot! do you fondle with your apples as well?
on my way to victory, and this fool is on my route
punching his face so many times it’ll be as red as his fruit
i’m a giant don’t you see! your love for apples is just weird!
this ass*whooping will be almost greater than my majestic beard!
you discovered apple trees, just go to the store
beef with a lumberjack and get scattered on the floor
i’m like an onion, bringing tears out this brittle funyun
shoving my ax up your ass, my name is paul bunyan
[verse 2: johnny appleseed]
oh, the lord’s been good to me
just sitting here plucking from my apple tree
then this fat son of a b*tch triеd to step to me
now he’ll lеarn not to mess with johnny appleseed
forget the lumber camps, you’re just a lumber tramp
this tourist attracting scamp’s about to get a revamp
i’m on fire, like the kerosine you enjoy drinking
you’re just a big oaf, who makes choices without thinking
you little myth b*tch, you ain’t puttin up no fight
why’re you p*ssed? are those jeans pulled up too tight?
this world would be hungry without my discoveries
i’m the reason newton found the laws of gravity, buddy

[verse 3: paul bunyan]
you’re just a pioneer queer, who i’ll slice into bits
i’ll take that pan off your head and smash your face with it!
you chose not to marry, because you’d take spirits as your wives?
good luck, chump! you pretty much wasted your whole life
you better pray that you win, and run back to your new church
i’ll drop apple bombs ’til you turn into the nothing that you’re worth
by the time i’m done with you, you’ll just be johnny applejuice
you’re a true fruit, b*tch, i’ll be sure to leave you the bruise

[verse 4: johnny appleseed]
calm down there partner, you’re gettin angrier than you need to be
i’m spitting out these disses like i’m spitting out appleseeds
while i’m chompin’ on my sweets, making history, man
you’re stompin’ on your feet, chasing people off your land
you’re just a lonely lumberjack who’s in for a shock
the only babe you get in bed, is babe the blue ox
you’ve been destroyed by johnny, i’m leaving strong and proud
an apple a day keeps the doctor away, n0body to save you now
[outro]
who won?
whos next?
you decide!
epic rap battle parodies

- epic rap battle parodies lyrics

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