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eyeless jack vs laughing jack - epic rap battle parodies lyrics

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eyeless jack:

it’s eyeless jack here, and i’m back for revenge

i’ll murder all these verses like i did to all my friends

i’ll blister this mister jester, you’re nothing but a cloud wisp

i couldn’t stand to see your story, and i’m absolutely eyeless

now i’ll wear my mask again like it was a masquerade

better quit your laughing, cause i’m about to jack your fame!

my flows are darker than the void in my heart and eyes

even with your clown cousin, ronald, victory would still be mine!

laughing jack:

all around the mulberry bush, the clown chased the blind man

with a weird eating disorder, dude, stop eating those hands!

i’m going ham, squeezing your -ss until pop goes the weasel

i’ll maniacally take you down, eyeless man, i’m pure evil!

i bring pain! you’ll go insane just like my playmate isaac

before you get kicked, smacked with a brick, and a mouthful of ticks!

you see how dope i’m flowing? oops! i guess not

i’ll break to your home, trash your rooms, and leave a dead dog!

eyeless jack:

this dumbo given by angels’ about to get back some pain

i’ll end you harder than that little kid you maimed, remember james?

you’re dressed as an emo mime, while i’ve got vicious battle rap attacks

cut you no slack, i’m making a comeback, you’ll remember eyeless jack!

laughing jack:

i may be a clown, but this time i’m not joking

it’ll be a pleasure to nail you to the wall and cut you wide open

i’m dispersing these rhymes so hot, they’ll make you descend

why don’t you leave this battle now and go jack off to ben?

the observer:

it’s the observer, hacking into this war between two fools

you b-tches never learn, but i’m gonna leave you two schooled

i’ve been observing, i’ll leave you burning, before this next rhyme

and i be swervin’, even murdering your tribes twelve times

you could never find me with these bombs that i’m dropping

trying to fight me is useless, i’ll always be forever watching

okay, you two. let’s see what today we’ve learned

how many jacks does it take to know you cannot defeat the observer

just like my friend, noah, i’ll leave your brain melting

i interrupted your verses, because i found them repelling

your souls will be mine after i have a feast on your -sses

none of you punks are even prepared for when i take off my gl-sses

ticci toby:

they call me ticci toby, not like you’d care that much

once i’m done talking to myself, i’ll blow steam on you punks

you think you are creepy? this twitching kid don’t give two sh-ts

i’ll k!ll you all off and feed you to the ticks

stop acting like you’re hot when you’re colder than the rain

how can you damage me? i’m f-cking immune to all pain

don’t even try to diss me or your life will be at stake

you picking on the r-t-rded kids is the last mistake you’ll ever make

herobrine:

herobrine has joined to disconnect you from your d-cks

i’m pulling out my diamond sword to leave all of your throats slit

you two jack-offs should just p-ss off, you’ll experience your end with me

and all i can observe from this anti-social brat is an enderman wannabe!

please, these cheesy teases of terror should’ve known they can’t take this

i’ll cause heart attacks, nightmares, death, and do it all in 8 bits!

don’t try to take on my blank eyes, this swede’ll be the last contender

wherever you’re suffering you’ll know i’ll be watching in the short render

(voices):

♪ don’t turn on the lights during the midnight game

do not use a flashlight during the midnight game

do not go to sleep, during the midnight game

and don’t attempt to use another’s blood for your name ♪

the midnight man:

if you think you’re gonna beat me, you’re lost in your dreams

purifying cr-ppypastas like you is just ritual for me

walk your little game, herobrine, i bask in the tears of the d-mned

i’m an embodiment of faith, your fate’s in my hands!

take a blood sample, make a case of the proxy behind the screen

you can’t see i’ll be cackling at the deaths of these teens

until the clock strikes twelve, you’re in my realm, no escape

darkness you can’t handle, light your candle, pray for the day!

richard van buren:

are you feeling lonely? then come visit my site

i’m not afraid of two jacks, an observer and midnight

i’m as crazy as an ape on this track, just check the links

you’ll find more than you bargained for when you come for the kinx!

i’ll perform a seance to tell this moose that he’s just useless

any attack from a hack and his jacked friends on me is fruitless!

when you find my site, you’ll be tongue tied, like when i rap and dis

this staticy kid’s so lonely, i bet he would try and fap to this!

intercom:

(talking) scp’s 106 and 087 have escaped, keep a look out for both…

scp-087:

welcome to the never-ending staircase of h-ll

scp-106:

once i’m released from my cell, you know your lives won’t end well

scp-087:

there’s no lights, so you’re in for a treat

scp-106:

we’re most uncontainable freaks since 173!

scp-087:

there’s a baby down here, don’t you want him to be safe?

scp-106:

then get the mics outta those faces, i’m radically insane!

scp-087:

ready to see my real face? come near us if you dare

scp-087 & scp-106:

we’ll be waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs

the rake:

your rhymes are as tedious as your never-ending staircase

and you so called creepypastas are such a waste of space

watch me munch on these monsters like i munch on sick rhymes

i’m the rake, b-tches, great b-tches, haunting through time

i’ve been around for so many centuries, now making these scps history

i’ve been trapped after death, but i’m breaking free, and no one will figure out my mystery

my feet will keep crawling and my rhymes will keep flowing

just like my internet fame, my mouth will keep growing

candle cove:

skin taker:

light the candle on this candle cove, skin taker has arrived!

i want you to scream in my studio, so go inside

i’ve been investigated by tons, you’re the laughingstock of me

don’t touch your remote yet, ‘cause here’s pirate percy!

pirate percy:

it’s pirate percy, maties, no way you’ll get through me

i’ll make you scream as soon as i exit your tv screen

i’ll be laughing at this jack-ss while making the rest of you suffer

because a battle is no place for you already dead landlubbers!

horace horrible:

it’s clear that we’ve entered a hostile environment

so allow the man in top hat to teach you about violence

just takes a slash of the throat and death ensues children

just like the lost treasure, you’ll never be seen again

bob:

once you hear the sound of gl-ss shattering downstairs

you’ve known that you are in for a true frightening scare

i’m the creature, i’m your teacher, so get ready to stop

you guys are gonna die when you meet the eyes of bob

i might have no arms but i’ll still slam you till you’re dead

you’ll see me through the space of the curtains when you’re in your bed

this is your final warning, there is no way to harm me

online wimps like yourselves would think i needed an army

the grey man:

time to go to sleep, you freak, you’ll never escape

you hide in labs and forests while i haunt the dreamscape!

pray your death comes quick when you see me in the distance

i’ll paint a rake and his armless mate all over the violence district!

none of slendy’s proxies or you scp’s could scare me

you hear me? puppets and atwisted ron jeremy

midnight’s worse than twilight, leave this square dismembered

you’ve seen the man i am, still want to remember?

uboa:

i’d rather not remember, your face is ugly as sin

now let’s turn out the lights because the fun shall begin!

i’m known as an npc but i have sp-wned many stories

and this stalker must be high if he thinks he’s got all the glory

don’t even think about touching me, i’ll send your -ss to the desert

i’ll let out these screams and make sure you all get severed

there’s snow way out of this, can’t get away with your bike

pinch yourselves now, for i have taken over your lives!

polybius:

oh, all of these tripping creepypastas are making me sick

just like my game, i’ll chop you up into 8 bits

we got a guy without arms and a little masquerade

all of you will be doomed when you step in my arcade

i’ll break you like a rake, leave you all to your demise

i covered up the kids i k!lled with secrets and lies

i kick it old school, and i’m gonna be your teacher

i’m shaking down this battle, so get ready to have a seizure

brvr:

i’ll never love you all, stop interfering my channels

just let me catch you all and light you up like the midnight man’s candles

i don’t need any love from all of you f-ggots who haven’t won

i have no hard feelings, especially when you all are done

you b-tches are the big reason on why i want to die

i’m charging up, so make sure you run away and hide

i know when you’re lying to me, so prepare for shock attack

just leave me the f-ck alone! i don’t want you to come back!!!

happy appy:

h-llo children! welcome to this episode of happy appy

i’m friendly, i’m fruity, but i’m also feeling snappy

i may have got banned from nick jr, but i’m still standing strong

with how much this rodent obsesses, it’s like he wants his owner’s schl-ng

now everybody calm down, because the violence is building

let’s broadcast these slaughters, cause that’s natural, children

well, let’s conclude this episode, i had fun with you all

see you all next time, in the afterlife hall!

luna game:

luna:

you’ll hear the trotting of your doom, the galloping of your death soon

except this time it ain’t a game, i’ll be the princess of a blood moon!

it’s the queen that leaves even pinkamena scared to death

let’s see you try to clop after witnessing this jpeg!

creepybloom:

prepare to be kicked to the desktop, here comes creepybloom

it won’t take five games to turn this loon into happy appy-juice!

my rhymes will buck you hard, haunt you equestria daily

you’ll be spammed and deleted cause the end is neigh!

sally:

i’m a sad girl trapped inside this wreck of a home

don’t even go near me, just turn around and go

wanna play a game? a game called hide-and-go-seek?

i’ll drown you in depression and we shall go to sleep

i’m living in my pond of my really wet tears

can you please get out? i want some alone time here

i want to live my dreams, getting crossed like a tally

you monsters lost against the lonely, depressed sally

mario:

let’s-a go bro! go on ahead and open the file

this game has just begun, so you’ll be here for a while

my story’s actually true, so that means i can take on you

the jpeg will make you have the chills when you’re crying in your room

this is the selfish way out, let your true king take this

when yoshi takes over your life, you will never be truly missed

welcome to the yellow switch palace, you’ll never be free

so let’s play a game of hide and seek, try to find me!

dead bart:

try to find you? you’ll be under the sink

with your plumbers crack showing for everyone to see

i left matt groening crying and shaking like a little girl

until he was too scared to mention me to the rest of the world

you try to act tough, but face the facts

your princess is with bowser and she ain’t ever coming back

you try to change the channel but i’ll hide the remote-o

and rain grey man’s grey matter on the streets of kyoto!

sonic fear:

tails doll:

the number one k!ller doll is here, let me tell you a tale

how i beat all of you creepy wannabe fails

can you feel the sunshine? because i’ll stab you where it doesn’t

i’ll be piling all of your bodies, dozen by the dozen

you can try to unlock me, but none of you will get far

my telekinetic abilities will attack once you play sonic r

i’d love to stay and play, but i need more kids to meet me

let me bring in the second player, sonic.exe

sonic.exe:

this is the end, little fakers, yes, it ends today

and now i’m gonna kick your -ss the evil hedgehog way

you can’t escape, can’t get away, you little jack baybays

i’m gonna laugh at you and scare you away

my eyes bleed red but you’re all gonna be dead

cause when i catch up to you, i’m gonna rip off your heads

all your stories are flawed, all flagged for fraud

one more thing… i am god!

who was phone?:

who was i? well, i was mother freaking phone

will you shut the cr-p up? i am mad at your tone

you’re all jeff rip-offs, so you can suck my slender d-ck

herobrine, i’ll kick you out like it was a sparta kick

who was phone, coming in fast

you’ll need a cast like darklink’s -ss

talk about being god your economy is high

you and tails doll are g-y mates who need high fives

drop dead, because you suck if you dislike this battle, i dont give a duck

yo, rake, your nipples are ice cream cones wait a second. wait, who was phone?!?!?!?!

mereana mordegard glesgorv:

i’ll take your lives when i look you dead in the eye

you’ll be screaming before you can even subscribe

you know you’re f-cked when you face glesgorv

before you know it, all your sanity will be absorbed

who was phone? who gives a sh-t? you’re a mess!

i’m the best of the best, you won’t ever find success

my stare alone sends shivers into grown ups and kids

i bring terror to the ‘tube, like user 666!

russian sleep experiment:

enough, byron, your code’s already been cracked

with these lines i’ve got packed yours just look whack!

let’s try a little experiment, in the end you’ll break!

cause you will never sleep when my rhymes keep you awake!

i’ll just gas you with my disses, so don’t be having paranoia

it’ll take less than 30 days for me to verbally destroy ya!

i am in the madness within you all! and with that you got beat!

i’ll leave you in such a state you no longer want to be freed!

habit:

knock, knock, who’s there? must be the rabbit, call me habit

i’m nailing every one of you cr-ppypastas in only one little casket

none of you can stop me for it is i who inhabits this sanctuary

canyouseethewords on what i’m writing? cause it’s about to get scary!

i possess people turning them into the world’s greatest k!llers and villains

you’re just restless skeletons messing with the happy puppet children!

i’ve driven everymanhybrid mad with slender man on my side

i am mankind’s bad habit, you all have nowhere to hide!

squidward’s suicide:

barnacle heads, be quiet, while i work on my art!

you call yourselves creepypastas but you lack the creepy part

bunnicula’s efforts to be frightening will all be in vain

you can say what you want, i went out like kurt cobain!

be gone, just do it! spit an improper diss, i’ll shoot it!

i blasted a fantastic symphony that night, and they knew it!

i’m playing a deadly melody even when i’m deceased!

this battle’s reached it’s sonata, and i can rest in peace

suicidemouse.avi:

no, i’m not having it, just watch my clip and it’ll make you die

horror, scariness, and darkness all packed inside an terrifying .avi

you overdosed on krabby patties, you’re nothing but lost hope

wanna see my head come off? let me just grab my rope!

abandoned by disney:

*chokes* now. you’re just an attraction here, while i’m the big deal!

rhymes so unreal they’ll reveal that you’ll kneel and squeal

i made disney sh-t his pants yet you think your sk!ll is odd?

don’t need to run from me, you’re already abandoned by god!!

evil otto:

i’ve been summoned to battle all these cheesy whining hacks

you sent chills down people’s spines? i gave children heart attacks

you copypastas can’t scare me, i leave the bodies piling

go ahead and throw your disses, i’ll just keep on smiling!

when i’m seen, even the toughest can’t help but faint!

i’m scarier than you p-ss-es and i can be drawn in ms paint!

been making kids go berzerk, these 43 pixels are lethal!

game over, motherf-ckers, you’ve met with the face of true evil

- epic rap battle parodies lyrics

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