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cole phelps vs steve burns - epic rap batles lyrics

[intro]
epic rap batles of history!
cole phelps
vs
steve
begin!

[verse 1: cole phelps]
phelps, twelve*fourty*seven, bout to kick this dumbass in his nuts
when you rap battled your brother, why’d you say you’d f*ck his b*tt?
i’ve investigated tons, and there’s something i’ve discovered
you’re 50 and you never had a chick under your covers
you know me, i’m the snoopy d*o*double jizzle
chizzle nizzles when i sizzle make you fizzle fo shizzle (oh)
i’ll blast you with my pistol, i’m no joke
then i’ll whip you with my p*n*s, just be careful, don’t choke
i’ll bust into your house and confiscate all of your shrooms
since this r*t*rd gets his rocks off just for talking to his shoes
i’ll take your salt and pepper, and throw them on the floor
then i’ll publicly expose you for saying that you are poor
and what’s with that g*y mailbox? springing his c*ck into your face
and you stick your hand inside him? hehehehe are you g*y?
in steve vs joe, you made remarks against the jews
i beat a detective from la, and i can beat you

[verse 2: steve burns]
yo, since i’m an original, i think that i will take the mic
i’m known for my clues, and i’m known for my stripes
yeah, i’m the one that solves the who’s and the do’s
got this dude under the cues of my blue suede shoes
this dude really tryna bring my love life in this strife but
i’d rather bring home the b*tches than cheat on my wife
that battle between my brother wasn’t written by me
since you’re gonna bring that sh*t up, time to make your ears bleed (woo)
you’re such a dumbass, you can reach through that window to unlock the door
but instead you use a lockpick and a cord (ouch)
ouch, feel that burn? ain’t that a kick in the head
no holes in bowl, eat irradiated bread
you let those stupid casino guys take all your guns?
they probably heard about what you did to f*cking megaton
you’re a vilified villain and i’m taking you in
have you freaking questioned by my partner herschel biggs
[verse 3: cole phelps]
how bout you shut the h*ll up you green striped f*g
i’d play that blue’s clues game but all it does is lag
did you smoke a lot of shrooms? why are you talking to chips
every time you bust a move, it looks like you’re taking a sh*t

[verse 4: steve burns]
speaking of sh*t, i’ll take one all over you, stupid f*cking d*ck
then i’ll kick you out the door like it was a sparta kick
we just got a letter. i wonder who it’s from
it’s probably from your old wife, telling you that your marriage done

[verse 5: cole phelps]
f*ck your stupid f*cking dog, blue’s a stupid f*cking b*tch
i solved the origami murders so why don’t you go and take a ditch
from hollywood to beverly hills, i’ve seen it all
while you’re sitting in your thinking chair, playing with your b*lls

[verse 6: steve burns]
you may have solved those murders, but b*tch, i can f*cking dance
my blue*skip*ska*doo will leave your dumb ass in a trance
(a clue! a clue!) b*tch, it’s time for you to mop up
you died in sewer drainage, i guess you could say you’re washed up

[interlude: horatio cane and the crowd]
c.s.i (ha, ha)
i solve the crimes like a boss, while you’re tactics are
b.s. die!
i guess i gotta teach you punks a lesson with some bars
[verse 7: horatio caine]
i’m the juggernaut of solving crimes unstoppably
the detective landlord of your intellectual property
so get back to work, that’s my dime you’re wasting
i didn’t solve that lady’s murder so you could play around debating
i’ll use this magnifying glass to kick both your asses
i’ve got a really nifty suit and i’ve got some cool glasses
now can we be friends, you guys? i think we’ve done enough roughin’
now i’m gonna toast you like an english m*ffin

- epic rap batles lyrics

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