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joe swanson vs keiji shinogi - epic rap batles of history lyrics

[intro]
epic rap batles of history!
keiji shinogi
vs
joe swanson
begin!

[verse 1: joe swanson]
hey peter! watch me break this scrambled head with an egg beater
lookin’ like an anime weeb who caught a case of bieber fever
i can’t believe it! drop the badge, you should be charged with misdemeanor
‘cus i’m cr*pping brown on the heart of your game like a cleveland steamer (yeah)
(uh) officer swanson, kicking you without legs
you with that high school girl reminds me of quagmire with meg (ooh)
your predictable visual novel’s just simple fare
while i’m the king of quahog, i reinvented the swivel chair (skrrt)
now lets talk about your friends, they’re either cowards or c*cks
my son has had more peaceful disputes in iraq
you can’t even handle all the flows that swan sung
i’ll beat you with a final line… joe’s swan song

[verse 2: keiji shinogi]
swan song? let’s talk about joe swan’s son
dude got ptsd like he fought in world war 1
you’re talking bout misdemeanor, what ‘bout your mrs. demeanor (yuck)
slept around with the whole town, h*ll i could probably sleep with her
i dont f*ck with pigs no more son, in quahog, i key hogs
you’re the family guy sheriff, from who i expect a hee haw (yuh)
nothing gets done in your house when bonnie’s gone
you’re weak, bud, can’t cuff this sly dog, you get fleas hun
we don’t even need a poll to see that keiji won
’cause when this g hits the beat like a bee you’ll be stung
i’m just your friendly policeman, but i’m done acting nice
you’ll kick the bucket, cuz joes have a thing for being sacrificed
[verse 3: joe swanson]
now that your sleeper verse is over, i’ll pick up the steam
unlike your game, people only pick it up for the meme
feels like now my brain is crippled, your backstory is a bummer
left your boss to die? where the f*ck is your honor?
my boy, a cop too scared to shoot? it’s your turn to be dead
stop trying to rap, go back to barking at lettuce beanie head
i may be in a wheelchair, but i’ll ram you like a nissan
shooting fire rounds, cause’ it’s all about the swan (yeah)

[verse 4: keiji shinogi and cleveland brown]
i’d arrest you for drinking paw tucket patriot ale
but with those legs, aw f*ck it, don’t think you’d make it in jail
you compensate with wheelchairs, ‘cause your whole verse was a crutch
they should’ve put you in the coffin instead, oh sorry, a bit much?
got such a nice job, but you’re so f*cking lazy champ
that’s a life equivalent of bowling with a safety ramp
every time you’re on screen, i feel no amus*m*nt
and you’ve been falling down like cleveland ever since your recruitment (no, no, no, no, no, no!)

[outro: the announcer and cops]
who won?
who’s next?
you decide!
epic rap batles* (put your hands up, now!)
uhh, uhh.. ahhh!!!!

- epic rap batles of history lyrics

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