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mary shelley vs bram stoker - epic fanmade rap battles of history lyrics

[verse 1: mary sh*lley]
let me teach you how to entrigue, fascinate and entertain an audience
first step: don’t write a fairy tale about some vampire nonsense!
seriously, your face is the only horror that’s existent
you’re not an author, abraham, you’re just a personal assistant!
you can’t beat me, your irish ass will need a four leaf clover!
you’re just sad that girls you know don’t want to stroke your little stoker!
well, not “girls you know” because you don’t know sh*t about ladies
now watch your ass plummet just like your sh*tty books ratings!

[verse 2: bram stoker]
look, little mary won a short contest, how cute!
i bet you probably got that oaf percy to write the book for you!
i’ll toss you into lake geneva right after you get your ass kicked
you’re a classless b*tch who “wrote a classic”, but your death will be drastic!
eat your heart out, b*tch, before i run up to you and stake it!
i create feelings and emotions, you create green freaks who break sh*t!
i’m a lyrical brain tumor, i’ll melt and mash your mind like jelly!
hold on, let me write some non*fiction: the defeat of mary sh*lley!
[verse 3: mary sh*lley]
since you’re an arrogant, gothic, assh0l* with not even half a mind
i think it’s time that i ought to hand the mic to doctor frankenstein!

[verse 4: bram stoker]
better grab your garlic and run, or hope to death you don’t get maimed!
start count*ing your days, ’cause dracula has come to put you to shame!

[verse 5: victor frankenstein]
my raps are coming alive! ha, ha they’re alive!
and now i’ll stitch up this b*tch with my monsterous rhymes!
you suck, count, so stick your fangs into these bl**dy rhymes!
dear god, bram created a monstrosity worse than mine!

[verse 6: count dracula]
suck your blood? you’ve got a drug or two in your veins
let’s face it, based on what you’ve done, you’re either high or insane!
you’ve unleashed a beast, and voila! all your friends are deceased!
you’re not a mad scientist, vick, you’re a depressed little freak!

[verse 7: victor frankenstein]
i’m a g*nius, got an einstein brain, so don’t try any tricks!
just step back and let me show you what some real impaling is!
i’m the victor, you’re batsh*t insane if you think it’s you
you’re a mindless, mental, creep! at least my monster had an iq!
[verse 8: count dracula]
sure, i’ll follow your example: screw up and say it’s not my fault
and then f*ck off to the north pole to complain to robert walton!
i mean, i get it, that monster was a complete abomination
but you’re a huge p*ssy if you’re afraid of your own creation!

[verse 9: mary sh*lley]
it seems your only accomplishment is that you’ve managed to bore me
godd*mn it, the undead have more life than your stories!
you and your pal drac better get back, you’ve got no sack, that’s enough
and you can call me mrs. syphillis ’cause i just f*cked you up!

[verse 10: bram stoker]
i’m quite stoked, i’ve choked and cloaked this old bloke with my cold jokes!
you’re not irrelevent, along with every godd*mn word you ever wrote!
so step into this coffin, mary, no really, i insist!
and then i’ll lyrically bury this silly amateur novelist!

- epic fanmade rap battles of history lyrics

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