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i hate and i love - elliot valentine lee, mel hornyak lyrics

quincy
adamo, adamare
i love, to love, but more
to desire and infatuate
lose some part you can’t restore
amo, amare
i love, i feel obliged
used for friends and for lovers
so how can one decide?

i can trap my heart in letters
latin, syriac or greek
so you’ll laugh at all my nonsense
and the terror i can’t speak
i can turn to ancient poets
but their guidance seems invented
“i hate and i love; i can’t say why
but still i am tormented”
ardescor, ardescere
i am burnt, to bе inflamed
to love someonе so intensely
when they’re gone your life is maimed
uro, urere
i burn, i rage, i’m vexed
i hardly focus, waiting
for the time i see you next

so in libraries like churches
or the margins of a scroll
i write nothing of importance
losing patience and control
if i had leapt before the fall
could this have been prevented?
i hate and i love, i can’t explain
but still i am tormented

i tried to trap religion
in ancient language and conjecture
i try to do the same to you
devotion deadens every lecture

love is god and god is love
it’s all the f*cking same
no grace without forgiveness
no forgiveness without shame
saints
shame, shame, shame

quincy
i just want to be with you
your hand in my hair
in some sunny room somewhere
it doesn’t matter where

that’s the worst thing about it
your unintentional theft
if i lose my ambitions
is there anything left?
any part of me left?
anyone to love left?

ego adamandi
falling in love, apart
i can’t cut you without bleeding
but can’t strike you from my heart
ego adamandi
sharing one defiled grave
i’ve become unrecognizable
no selfhood left to save

no freedom for a creature
so dependent and demented
i hate and i love, i can’t explain
but still i am tormented

- elliot valentine lee mel hornyak lyrics

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