my future - elizabeth whitington lyrics
13 years have passed since i made the songs that ruined my life
the windows are always foggy and the rain is always blown sideways
chipping the paint off the side of the apartment complex
the same building my sister used to live in
across the hall from her old room
i have a girlfriend
i know our relationship is based on the lies i told her
told her i was the coolest guy ever
it’s been 13 years since the last time i considered myself a girl
i’ve reverted back into myself
i’ve buried sarah in the backyard
her fingers frail and her face stuck in fear
i made sure she would never be found
my arms still grow new scars
every day for the rest of my life
my arms will grow new scars every day for the rest of my life
i’ve given up my body to someone that truly hates me
i hear her as she snickers and sneaks out of the building
thinking i’m asleep when i haven’t felt tired in days
she leaves her promise ring on the granite kitchen counter
there’s a nightclub not too far from where we live
sometimes the dark indigo lights shine through the cracks in the walls
i can only imagine all the laughter, all the smiles
all the people that have meat left in their sh*lls
sweaty symbols of l*st crunch together
as hard as ever before
she takes off her panties outside in the alleyway
he cums inside her next to the fresh puke on the corner
she holds him tight and says, “thank you for being alive”
i’m still stuck to my bed, feeling more sick than ever before
this was always my path ever since the day i was born
every week, i try to hang myself from the bathroom door
but every week the stool fails to support my weight
and sometimes i step down myself because there’s a part of my brain
that tells me being dead is a nicer fate than i deserve
so i’ll cry myself to sleep
putting the beach house tape in
passed out by the time the trip to norway begins
but awake long enough to hear that it’s happening all again
i feel i’ve bled this body for all it was worth
and that’s why i ran out so fast
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