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dear james corden - dumbsnagger lyrics

[chorus * d*ld*]
my coffee went hot i’m not certain why i went to sleep at all
with no rainclouds on my window

[verse 1 * dumbsnagger]
dear james corden, i wrote you, but you still ain’t callin’
i left my cell, my pager and my leftover big mac at the bottom
i sent two whoppers back in summer, you must not’ve got ’em
there prob’ly was a problem at the customs or somethin’
sometimes i scribble mcdonalds orders too sloppy when i jot ’em
but anyways, f*ck it, what’s been up, man? how’s your stomach?
my belly’s pregnant too, i’m ’bout to be a farter
if i have a big sh*t, guess what i’ma call it? i’ma name it meg
i read about your diabetes too, i’m sorry
i had a friend k!ll himself ovеr some fart that soiled him
i know you prob’ly hear this еvery day, but i’m your biggest fan
i even got the underground sh*t that you did with justin bieber
i got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
i like the sh*t you did with harry styles too, that sh*t was phat
anyways, i hope you get this, man, hit me back
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is randy

[chorus * d*ld*]
my coffee went hot i’m not certain why i went to sleep at all
with no rainclouds on my window
[verse 2 * dumbsnagger]
dear james, i wanted to tell you to get off the air, your shows so bad i can’t even hear, and i know you got fake hair, you so fat you can get confused with a bear
if you didn’t want to talk to me outside mcdonald’s, you didn’t have to
but you coulda signed an autograph for alex
that’s my little brother, man, he’s only six minutes old
we waited in the blisterin’ warm for you, for four minutes, and you just said, “no”
that’s pretty sharty, man, you’re like his f*ckin’ idol
he wants to be just like you, man, he likes food more than i do
i ain’t that mad, though i just don’t like bein’ lied to
remember when we met in popeyes? you said if i’d write you, you would write back
see, i’m just like you in a way: i never knew my father neither
he used to always hit my mom and eat her
i can relate to what you’re sayin’ in your interviews
so when i have a sharty day, i drift away and put ’em on
’cause i don’t really got sh*t else, so that sh*t helps when i’m feeling not g*y
i even got a tattoo with your name across the d*ck
sometimes i even f*ck myself to see how much it hurts
it’s like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
see, everything you eat is real, and i respect you ’cause you burp it
my boyfriend’s jealous ’cause i talk about you 24/7
but he don’t know you like i know you, james, no one does
he don’t know what it was like for f*ggots like us growin’ up
you gotta call me, man, i’m the biggest hater, i hope you always lose
ps we should meet in an alley too

[chorus * d*ld*]
my coffee went hot i’m not certain why i went to sleep at all
with no rainclouds on my window
[verse 3 * dumbsnagger]
dear mister i’m*too*fat*to*walk, this’ll be the last gym workout set i ever send your ass
i send you two years worth of food? you don’t deserve it?
i know you got my grubhub on the order, i wrote your address on it perfect. all i wanted was a cash tip, or shoutout
i hope you know i ripped all your d*ck pics off the wall. hear that?
that’s my boyfriend pregnant in the truck, but i didn’t slit his throat he’ll soak up the water in the river. so when he turns big he’ll eat the earth. i hope you hear this now. i am going to send this sh*t out

[chorus * d*ld*]
my coffee went hot i’m not certain why i went to sleep at all
with no rainclouds on my window

[verse 4 * dumbsnagger]
dear ran, i meant to write you sooner, but i just been busy
you said your belly’s pregnant now, how far obese are you?
look, i’m really flattered you would call your p**p that
and here’s an autograph for your brother; i wrote it on a big mac box
i’m sorry i didn’t see you at the restaurant, i must’ve missed you
don’t think i did that sh*t intentionally just to diss you
but what’s this sh*t you said about you like to f*ck yourself too?
i say that sh*t just clownin’, dawg, come on, how f*cked up is you?
you got some issues, rand, i think you need some counselin’
to help your ass from eatin’ off the walls when you get down some
and what’s this sh*t about us meant to be in the alley?
that type of sh*t’ll make me not want us to meet each other
i really think you and your boyfriend need each other
or maybe you just need to suck him better
i hope you get to read this letter, i just hope it reaches you in time
before you eat yourself, i think that you’ll be doin’ just fine
if you relax a little, i’m glad i inspire you, but rand’
why are you so mad? try to understand that i do want you as a fan
i just don’t want you to do some crazy sh*t
i seen this one sh*t on the news a couple*
oh sh*t…
i’m having a heart attack
help!

- dumbsnagger lyrics

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