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ventilation - douglas c begay lyrics

verse 1:

i am a drunk with addiction, an addict with diction, inadequate man, keep back at a distance
in and i’m out of my mind, mad that i’m here and i wouldn’t just listen
i couldn’t believe it, the ceiling is turning i’m ending it all
too caught up in feelings, i feel it, my motives and missions and visions depleted
she tell me don’t say that, tell her my voice and my reason intact
tell her i mean it i’m meaning it’s only my word, demeanor absurd
she out of my reach and you let it occur
either i move on or leave it, i swear to myself that i need it to hurt
let it be, let it be me ima ventilate first, just listen
i do not care what the price is, i felt what it feels like just know that i miss it i’m deep in this crisis
i see through the bullsh-t, even through eyelids
tell me the truth i’m becoming so hateful, im hating the fact that you lying
too faded to function you left me to rot and i’m sitting here crying
why in the f-ck do i do this i’m dying, these slits in my wrist is my proof of that
this shriveled up liver is failing, and toxins ain’t working
i’m useless this brain that i got ain’t no use for that
god is not here and he’s not in my heart and i’m losing it

verse 2:

ima product of the outcome, where they disregard the outcries
where the brown skin either always asking how come?
or set a bad tone within the township, ignorance, it’s around me
room full of clowns i’m crowded
find me when i’m off the rocker, i’m crazy horse with amazing force
i raise my voice til the vocal chords are crazy ho-rs-
where was you when they couldn’t stand me?
i wouldn’t budge like sitting bull in a stampede, this the truth and i say it exactly
running my game like justin gatlin, adjust the gat when justice is just plain reaction
face the facts and, have the faith, i stay relaxed when
sh-t ought to hit the fan i turn em straight to has-beens
this my fate i swear i’ll gain attraction, i shape-shift, to a shady b-st-rd
now all of my brothers and cousins, they hate me after
man i swear i couldn’t take it no more, thankfully i’m patient i’m just waiting to show
every motherf-cker i could do this it’s improvements i know, it’s unusual tho
when all of those around you recommend that you do
what really makes you happy but support you they don’t
completely okay because i swear that i won’t
take it to the heart because i’m colder than most
nowhere close to over it’s the motive to grow
cost less to keep avoiding every hazard in store
and it’s a process, tell yourself you limited i swear that sh-t is nonsense
once upon a time i slit my wrist but it’s the progress
showing that you worth it man i came i saw i conquer, simpletons is opposite of complex

- douglas c begay lyrics

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