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drugs - doug anthony allstars lyrics

[paul spoken: um, now, i’m sorry, i don’t know, uh, how many of you people, uh, saw the news before you came out tonight, um, how many of you actually caught it. uh, something terrible’s happened in this country, um, and i don’t, uh, i don’t know how… how… how to put it. it’s probably the worst thing that’s ever happened in the history of australia. certainly makes international disasters like what’s happening in, um, rwanda or what happened in haiti, um, or bosnia, um, seem like nothing more than p-ss in bathwater. um, if you don’t know and you haven’t seen the news—
i’m fine, i’m fine. um… a hundred, um, kilos of cocaine, with a street value of ninety million dollars… f-ckin’ cops]

[tim spoken: yes, australia. we hear your anger! every man, woman and child in this country wants that cocaine back. everyone in this nation cries out in anguish!]

[paul spoken: ow]

[tim spoken: but don’t despair, people of sydney, do not despair. because thank god that cocaine was seized by the new south wales police force. “that’s too much declan.” which means, of course, its going to be here, it just takes an extra two weeks and thirty percent on top. and the beauty, of course, of the new south wales cops is there’ll be more than there was before]

[paul spoken: yes, let’s not forget that the new south wales police force do have a bit of a history of cutting that very fine peruvian gold cocaine with a fair amount of new, improved omo. so, it will be slightly gravely on the old -sniffing noise- nasal highway, but will get the whitest of whites in those t-shirts]

ah
ah
ah
please get outta the toilet, my man
h-ll no, i’m doing drugs
please get outta the toilet, my man
no no, let me do my drugs

came to the disco
with half a gram of go go cut with baking soda
saw my girl with the one kiss curl
she’s a pusher, i think you’d know her
got my straw
found my store
now just give me a few minutes more

please get outta the toilet, my man
h-ll no, i’m doing drugs
please get outta the toilet, my man
no no, let me do my drugs

tweedle dum and tweedle dee
there’s a mushroom growing inside of me
a pill makes you big, a pill makes you small
you’re so tiny, i’m so tall
who are you? don’t you ask
you’re just a pain in the looking gl-ss

please get outta the toilet, my man
h-ll no, i’m doing drugs
please get outta the toilet, my man
no no, let me do my drugs

you can find romance (tweedle dum)
p-ss in your pants (and tweedle dee)
let’s leave it up to fate, babe (there’s a mushroom growing inside of me)
you’re a drunken bore (a pill makes you big)
so don’t knock the door (a pill makes you small)
let me get the line straight (you’re so tiny, i’m so tall)
i’ve been waiting all night to powder my nose
lord, don’t stop me
thar she blows

please get outta the toilet, my man
h-ll no, i’m doing drugs
please get outta the toilet, my man
h-ll no, let me do my drugs

ah
ah
drugs!

[paul spoken: yes, everyone, a cl-ssic]

[richard spoken: tim wants to have a little chat with you all now about s-xual har-ssment of women]

[tim spoken: yes, um, i’d just like to make it quite clear, uh, that i am a woman and i won’t brook any s-xist behaviour from hecklers like that boy who was talking about the dog. okay? uh, you don’t talk to women like that. okay? that’s s-xist, i don’t approve. i’m a woman and you don’t f-cking talk to women like that. they think they can treat us like sh-t. well, they can’t because women are taking over the world]

-applause-

[tim spoken: snip, snip]

[audience member: love you, tim!]

[tim spoken: i’ve had it. i am a woman, trapped in the body of an incredibly good-looking man and it is a living h-ll. now, this morning, as another example of the “get a dog up you” s-xism, i was standing on george street just wearing a jumpsuit, nothin’, nothin’ hugely s-xy…]

[richard spoken: was lookin’ very conservative, i thought]

[tim spoken: i was wearing a lot makeup, but just a jumpsuit. and there was this car, white car, going up and down doing u-turns like we were in a country town. and the two blokes in this car kept stopping any time there was a good looking woman there and going, “err, f-ckin’… aw don’t spew out your nose it turns… aw, f-ckin’ get in here and suck my…” y’know, actually expecting the women on the street to say, “sure, boys. i’ve got twenty seconds that means i’ve got time to f-ck both of you”. i hate the police in new south wales]

- doug anthony allstars lyrics

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