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internal struggle - double negative lyrics

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i remember a broken heart, it provoked the art of sorrow
stuck in the future, a destiny still hoping for tomorrow
i was changed by certain incidents that left me broken hearted
but what goes around comes around and i’m back where i started
forced to pick up the pieces and shatter fragments of the struggle
the only thing this kid saw was a jigsaw puzzle
a drop in a puddle, lost in a moving stream
stuck running in place, chasing the ever elusive dream
the truth it seems to escape through my fingers like sand granules
they wrote a book about this once but i lost the d-mn manual
and sanity is tangible, i know because i’ve touched it
i’ve been abducted by its clutches, ?? like what’s justice
injustice profuse, and feeling like i’m two people
and both of ’em are p-ssed, cuz of their scarred souls and bruised egos
there’s a war going on inside no man is safe from
that’s why my heart’s been beating like a b-ss drum since day one
i play dumb, but the stupidity is authentical
mended by your own vengeance like war fed to the tormented
i meant it when i said it, but it doesn’t mean a thing
unless i die for my dream cuz that’s what it means to be a king
i could march with a million men, would it even shake the ground
i could scream freedom from the top of my lungs, it wouldn’t even make a sound
let me break it down, i don’t have a choice and my voice is too ho-rs-
i’m lost and my war of comp-ss ain’t exactly pointing due north
so i’m forced to standby with my hands tied
while millions of starving children look my right in my d-mn eyes
here’s your grand prize, you won the right to be disgusted
i’ve suffered mightly and i can finally discuss it
the struggle is eternal, eternal tug of war
that’s why i scribe inside my journal and wonder what it’s for
corruption and war, that’s what i saw since a young teen
it was the unseen that made these stains that i can’t seem to rub clean
that just means i got to try harder like ???
if i want to be remembered as a fire starter that died a martyr
but why bother, it’s a c-mbersome under thumb
even if they remember me it’s as public enemy number one
and it serves me right for trying to preserve the light in such a dark place
sharks wait in my conscious dreams and their schemes make my heart race
i march straight towards the unattainable and strangle out its life force
its light source illuminates the elusive faith that i’ve lost
the halls of my mind have the hallmark of scratching claw marks
it’s all dark, perfect place to fall apart if you lost heart
but me i’ve found mine and it’s about time
the fire inside could outshine the silver lining on cloud nine
still i’m wayward, cuz that’s the way words sting
the pain is strong but that’s the same song the caged bird sings
feel like i’m in h-ll, cursed to dwell in a living tomb
with scars to serve as a reminder of these self inflicted wounds

[coal cash]

will it ever change cuz i feel strange in my own skin
rotten to the bone, if not my own heart is sewn in
zone in my genetical code to to spit prophetical code
the theoretical hex vexed my poetical soul
infect a whole generation’s emanation, determination ain’t sh-t verse self capitulation
hard to change a nation when complacent in my status
famish for accolades but rather fade til i vanish
manage little reprieve in the middle of brittle beliefs
from the grief beneath the visual, our visuals will signal me
it’s a dismal sea of free thinking thought extinction
sinking in the doctrines from the toxins i’ve been drinking
a lot like lincoln, holding my head for sh-t i said
won’t dread -ss-ssination, it embeds the affirmation
but it’s acclamation from a vapid captivation
it’s tasting acrid, adapted to lapidation
i deal with idiots oblivious to the insidious
but i’m the r-t-rd that sees god in the hideous
the prettiest of pictures will be riddled with mistakes
as humans are no different, how much difference does it make
i take it all in stride, riding clouds of smoking ash
and every time i fall i have to crawl on broken gl-ss
it’s just my path that winds me tight in a spiral
i’ve been here before, once more fight for survival
was suicidal but i botched the attempt
it was worth every second, my ex watched the event
she ain’t sh-t to me now, funny how times change
if only time was timeless, only my mind could rhyme this divine exchange
remain chained in this dichotomy
robbing me of the gifted like a self inflicted sodomy
probably a sickness to spit this redundant
???? the pain i strain from its abundance
to run circ-mference around, slay this propaganda
can’t understand the truth when the exclude all the answers
elude the chances for the monetary advances
for the heckler commentary that vary the common banter
conjure cancer, plan to smoke the skies black
trapped in an empty bar where the bartender won’t buy back
so why rap, why react to the ridicule
always been a little disturbed, was constantly ?? in middle school
that sh-t’ll do sh-t to your psyche, thought no one liked me
it was a major problem, then again it still might be
i might free myself of the burden of ??
but uncertain of what’s me like i see from third person
i’m f-cked for certain but i’m working to find my essence
i know i’m trapped in h-ll, i can smell its effervescence
destined to dwell in the sh-ll, a forgotten artist
who only seemed fitted when living amongst the garbage

- double negative lyrics

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