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new girl - dollar$menu lyrics

to those in my grade who
think that i am g-y
i am heteros-xual
i really would have s-x with y’all
if you would just allow me
but you’re off having your s-x with girls
what does that say about me?
man, this is my situation, y’all
for those of you who doubt me, man
start hearing this oration, y’all
yeah
square one

back where i started
i’m back on the market
the girls that i courted
i later deserted
i got a new haircut
no longer r-t-rded

talking to girls
has some adverse effects
stutter, stammer, rest in peace, man
pay your respects
i have obvious troubles with the opposite s-x
double x
don’t believe me?
just ask my exes

get the wrong type of woman
no b-tt and no bosom
no cleaning or cooking
not even good-looking
and they’re always into anime for some reason
then they’re cheatin’ and i’m leavin’

[chorus]
i turn girls g-y
boys straight, yeah
man, i’ll never procreate
but i don’t need n0body else, i’m
quite alright just by myself
and i
couldn’t care less ’boutcha new girl
get myself a new girl too
couldn’t care less about you, girl
‘cuz ever since i been better off without you

finally awake
i’m taking a break
too many mistakes
i’m raising the stakes
i’m raising my standards
i’m done with the weeaboos
done with the feminists
done with the snowflakes

talkin’ bout misogyny
what a fruitless dichotomy
you girls are so emotional
ever heard of lobotomies?
y’all are turning to sodomy
when clinton went for women, he
sure didn’t go for rodham, he
watched the way he walked
way he dressed
way he talked
was the best
then, pretty soon, he had women under his desk

they say my jokes are stale
don’t like me ‘cuz i’m male
but they tellin’ me they love me ’til it all derails
now, i’ll no longer fail
now, when it rains, it hails
and when it rains in h-ll
i’ll find myself a belle

woah…
slow down, girl
what the heccin’ hecc do you think is going on, girl?
take a look around, girl
don’t even make a sound, girl
what?

you seem triggered
what else am i supposed to say?
talkin’ ’bout how you miss me
but you’re already g-y
it’s not a question of whether
or not we get together
but of will you stay out of my way?

“i love you, i miss you
i’ll hug you, i’ll kiss you!”
please just stop
before i diss you
oops wait
too late
sorry, don’t hate
too much on my plate, yeah
i know you felt lonely
‘cuz of my busy schedule
writing love letters
but my writing’s barely legible
i’m finally thinking sensible
actions so regrettable
anything but forgettable
so many blunders
man, i’m just left to wonder
“where’s i go wrong?”
so i’m rapping this song
because no one will ever be on the level i’m on

policy inflexible
no more datin’ bis-xuals
what a mystery
my datin’ history
so reprehensible
incomprehensible
and anyway, i prefer my girls
two-dimensional

come to think of it
girls are pretty overrated
they say adam and eve, man
is how we were created
but heteros-xuality seems pretty outdated
now that my options are slated
weighted and measured
the h0m- endeavor
seems pretty reasonable to me
sue me
but if you are a male
gimme a holler
i’m not g-y, but twenty dollars
is twenty dollars

so you like girls now? well
i’m glad that you’re proud about it
but why so loud about it?
everyone knows
but no
you still practically shout about it
but it’s a joke
that you don’t get
and everyone’s laughin’ about it
but i mean

i hope it made you feel special for a moment
‘cuz now you’re
just one of four
you know the kind
the kind who goes from guy to girl and thinks that i’ll mind
i’m onto bigger, better things, man
i’m back on that grind
i think you’ll find
that the single life is simply better suited for mine
girlfriends? nah
romance? nah
school dance? nah
rather go to france
get some steady finance
not taking no chances
with females
don’t send no emails
alright?

[chorus]
i turn girls g-y
boys straight, yeah
man, i’ll never procreate
but i don’t need n0body else, i’m
quite alright just by myself
and i
couldn’t care less ’boutcha new girl
get myself a new girl soon
couldn’t care less about you, girl
‘cuz ever since i been better off without you

[sax solo]

wait
i swear i’m straight
i been into girls since at least, like, eight
unfortunately, they don’t reciprocate
they don’t wanna date
they don’t wanna mate
or fornicate
or copulate
or even just capitulate i

i don’t know

i thought i had it all, man
i’m funny and i’m tall
but they’re not into that
i chitchat
but fall flat
like hard hat
i ain’t some sort of diplomat
can’t communicate like that
rip

but for those of you
who like boys
and don’t plan on changing
talk to my agent
we can make some arrangements
what i can’t do
is promise you
that after this engagement
you’ll be straight
but i -ssure you
it’s at least entertaining

[chorus]
i turn girls g-y
boys straight, yeah
man, i’ll never procreate
but i don’t need n0body else, i’m
quite alright just by myself

we out

- dollarmenu lyrics

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