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lift my eyes - deflect lyrics

[chorus: eric mcallister]
on my own i am blind
no more games, no more lies
all my fear, all my fight
left me here in blackest night
suddenly a shift of view
cause all along only you
could take these pieces of my life
finally, i lift my eyes

[verse 1: deflect]
everybody got a dark past
everybody got a mind full of regrets that just last
got a dark corner of your soul
that you never open up to anybody, door stay closed
when he left with you with nothin’ and you gave him everything
lost your ident-ty in all your love yearning
now he gone and you feel you startin’ from scratch
but his promises he didn’t keep cover you like a rash
when you turned to p-rnography for satisfaction
but your mind was tainted by l-stful distraction
your eyes were turned inward, your pleasure is first now
s-x controls your mind, you go out on the prowl
trapped in desires and you feel alone
forgot about the holy one sittin’ on the throne
man my own solutions just feel so much better
cause i’m thirstin’ for power and i want the credit
i wanna be king, wanna be my own ruler
i don’t need n0body else, ridin’ solo like derulo
laced up with nike kicks, man i’ma just do it
but every time i did it, man i always blew it
so tired of lonely hedonistic cycles
the longer i live, i feel like the less i know
don’t know how much longer i can live with no purpose
cause livin’ for myself always feels so worthless

[chorus: eric mcallister]
on my own i am blind
no more games, no more lies
all my fear, all my fight
left me here in blackest night
suddenly a shift of view
cuz all along only you
could take these pieces of my life
finally, i lift my eyes

[verse 2: deflect]
i am so pr-ne to look inward
all those lessons i never learned
all the hearts that i’ve broken, mistakes that i’ve made
relationships left behind burning in flames
the friendships i’ve lost and the people i’ve hated
i always just run from problems i’ve created
all the things that i keep hidden from people
the stories i never tell under the steeple
running with secret regrets just in circles
i’m falling and failing and screaming for mercy
“god why don’t you help me? why am i alone?”
the tears i’ve shed searching above for his throne
why don’t you come meet me the way i want you to?
i’m king remember? i tell you what to do
this is my life and i wanna control it
why would i want you when you tell me me you own it
hypocrisy rules me, my mind it just rused me
i want a solution but i wanna choose the
easy path of moral relativism
but somethin’ inside me never stops yearnin’ for him
i need someone to cover my past
and give me closure with a hope that lasts

[spoken word interlude 1: chris bernstorf]
brokenness, has its own palette
two hundred and fifty six colors of abuse or more
my bones used to groan
my body an empty building begging to be filled
hollow and weeping like a casket
i somehow sensed it was a temple, but unsure of what to worship i drugged in idol after idol
but nothing filled me
nothing soothed the walls’ calling choirs
no matter what goal, what silver i painted over them they rebelled
implacable
layer after layer of l-st lacking and cracking
falling and fading, the ground suffocating beneath their weight
no matter the shade, no matter the contents
my body echoed, still lifeless as a casket
refusing my broken soul, refusing to be my home

[bridge: deflect]
take a breath, and calm your soul
release your grip and give control
the higher purpose you yearn for
i’ll give it to you and much more
take all my pain and nail it to that tree
doubts, insecurities, you take lovingly
i need you in my life, turn my eyes from me
take all my regrets and set me free
nailed to a cross, what utter beauty
his death brought me life, i give you everything
nothing is holding me back anymore
my new life is ahead with so much in store
(i give you life and so much more)

[spoken word interlude 2: chris bernstorf]
when you found me, and entered in my body
the coffin packed with l-sts and broken dreams, but somehow still empty
the lifeless building flooded with light
every idol dissolved, you poured into every room
seeped into every broken place, every crack in my ritual hiding sp-ce
saturated the walls, so joy to my bones
and breathed the breath i never felt into my lungs, into my soul
you burst out the windows and doors
your light showering onto everything and everyone around me
my broken building of a body becoming the beacon
the temple that was meant to be
alive and free

[outro: deflect]
i guess the question i would leave you with is
who and what are you living for?
and what is your purpose in life?
night is gonna fall, if it hasn’t already fallen on you
the question is: will you rise up or will you fall with it?

- deflect lyrics

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