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present - deadpan darling lyrics

i feel your presence. occasionally
smoke rings and essence of strong cologne
although i never met you
your movie is so clear
as it lives in the vocal cords of my father and uncle
and i think you’re the one who gave me this gift
as i wake up in the morning. staring at my wrists
thinking about how my friend joey
taught me how to slit
diagonally and down towards h*ll
to accomplish it
what a b*tch
to cup water in a bathroom sink
and just wish that your face could erase with a rinse
and i wonder how the gun tasted
on that san juan sunday that i only heard about in stories
though i must admit
that i thought you were heavenly for many years
back when i held onto my father’s beard
and believed in a day when you’d reappear
now i know i’m nowhere near
i feel your presence. in my cheekbones
when my frowns stick for too long
and i feel your presence in my eyebrows
as they slant towards the heavens
but tumble down
and god knows
i was born in a garbage dump
but no one told me
’til i was 17
and god knows that he hates me
sof*ck him back
as i hold 4 fingers to the sky
and try to grab
i feel your presence in boleros
as abuela’s dancing on rugs alone
but nothing can take back what you have done
so you’ve become a ghost
trapped in your blank tombstone
with a bullet in your head still showing
as the roots of your feet keep growing
and i wonder where your soul was left
in a hotel still set
with the blood of a mistake
shoved in the hands of a misplaced saint under. brick slates?
at night when i dream of you
you look better than in photos
with a freshly shaved face
guayabera that is perfectly creased in good taste
i never dreamt of you
as a rotting corpse or bones
as a selfish person
though you left a vacant hole
i feel your presence when i’m asleep
brushed by the wind
grazing my cheek
and i feel your presence when i feel pain
sharp in my body
rotting away
and i feel your presence in my bad heart
beating for babies, waiting to part
and i feel your presence in every song
i love you dearly viejo
i’ll never blame you
but i wish in my soul that you never gave me this gift
presence in my bad heart
beating for babies
waiting to part
and i feel your presence in every song
i love you dearly viejo
i’ll never blame you
but i wish in my soul that you never gave me this gift

- deadpan darling lyrics

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