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you are (not) alone - dc.sir lyrics

i was 13 when i saw my father break my mothers jaw
i need a break ‘cos i’ll break down if he breaks down another door
hit the brakes, i can’t take another day of this anymore
’n i pray when dawn breaks, i can escape this pain that i’ve endured
‘cos to see him laying on the floor
in a pool of alcohol
fully changed my mind state and made my whole world vulnerable
feeling like a broken china doll just sitting in a store
that no-one wants to buy avoided at all costs
lost like corduroy, wandering through the mall
wondering what the f-ck i’m even doing here at all
caught inside my thoughts
pondering on the possibilities of what’s beyond the stars
i know i don’t belong i’m just tryna find my calling before i disembark
it’s hard to get through the night when all i can think about is ‘who am i?’, and ‘who have i become?’, ‘is this my fathers doing or is this something that i’ve done?’
and if he’s dead to me then why do i see him in everything i do?
my plate’s full but the wise still tell me to bite off more than i can chew
i need an anaesthetist to numb my back t–th and to treat this cavity that is like a disease eating at the fabric of my existence as a human being in this ecosystem and to fill in this increasing deep abyss
balancing on a tightrope over a chasm as grand as arizona’s canyon
holding on to more than my fair share of baggage, not letting go in fear of being catapulted
so my shoulders dislocate from the weight that i hold
‘till my bones break, my pulse races and my veins coagulate and explode
resulting in my brain overloading and imploding in my skull
’n after i’m blown away and the echo slowly fades
you’ll notice nothing but a black hole left in my wake
for the past decade my mind states been blindfolded inside of a silent cave
confined in a tight sp-ce, tied and restrained by iron chains, which i had been convinced would be my dying place
at peace with being inside my grave to live and die in dire straights
’n the nights kept getting harder with every p-ssing day
the halls that i paced seem longer and appeared to be getting darker
every door i p-ssed reminded me of my father
but i’ve come too far to turn back the other way
’n although i walk through the valley of the shadow of death
i will fear no evil
‘cos i’ve been down that road and i know too well the depths of the well
’n i’ve accepted that there’s a certain place in h-ll reserved for persons like myself
but my purpose on this earth is worthless unless i can use the hurt that i’ve felt
’n convert it into words for those searching for help
it’s just my songs were getting short
i barely wrote them anymore
my voice was getting sore and it was getting harder for me to talk
but i’m putting whatever i have left into this verse right down to my last breath
if it means speaking to an introvert diverting them from the edge
’n don’t get me wrong i don’t want pity or any sympathy for me
it’s just when i vent on a song it’s like a bittersweet symphony
my own form of therapy
rhyming lets me breathe
it allows me to find a balance between time and sp-ce and keeps alight a dying fireplace that i need to survive through this ice age
’n just when i least expected that i would escape
i reignited the flames and emerged from the depths of the trench and the clench of death which brings me to today
i stand before you a shattered man still tryna gather up the pieces
memories of my past in one hand and a pen in the other tryna reason with these demons
asking ridiculous things to a god that i’m not sure that i believe in
screaming at the top of my lungs in hopes of someone, somewhere, will hear what i’m speaking
music is the universal language that keeps us breathing
my goal is to teach it to everyone that i meet
all over the globe and outer reach of the galaxy
‘cos if we don’t do something soon we’ll meet our doom like appleseed
so if you would let me lead, we’ll get through this, i guarantee
’n i guess that answers my own question and that’s exactly what dc.sir is
this is who i am this is what i do
this is all i’ll ever be this is all i know
this is all i’ve ever seen and into what i’ve grown
just know that whatever may be
you are not alone

- dc sir lyrics

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