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i'm not here, and i'm not all there - daymeus lyrics

[intro]

where is he?
what is this?
what are you doing?
what is he doing?
what’s going on?
where are you?
daymeus?
where did he go?
damius… where are you?

[verse 1]

months i been seated here waitin’
all for a letter or text
i gave you the paper to exit this city
but lately i’m wonderin’, like, “was i ready to let go?”
you’re all alone, such unfamiliar air and it’s nightmarish
though you’ll never admit it, the pain is acidic and it wears away
thoughts here i won’t ever say
like, you don’t got time? the f-ck got you floatin’?
clearly not care for your bros well-being
he’s—years old now and—really?
you don’t even know his age?
i dance around the answers to the question “why”
cause you don’t give a f-ck?
or maybe you ain’t doin’ well, holdin’ it in
maybe it’s pride, you cuttin’ blinds, knowin’ i’d find out
my little boy, he stubborn inside
p-ssed down from your father and mine
it’s time you let it out, dami
can you blame me? is it a lot to ask? sh-t
between f-ckin’ them wh0r-s and netflix
but i don’t wanna pry, i see now
i’m a bother, if it helps you sleep sound tell yourself this is enough
it’s clear you’re lookin’ for you
i’m just sayin’, i’m still here

[interlude]

[verse 2]

first off, i’m not burnt you been givin’
like 5% in effort to connect
i send texts, cards
but since we in separate yards you can’t send support in form of words
busy? nah, your pretense is dirt
like us sayin’ we not hurt, but ma’s hurt
and dad, he could’ve f-ckin’ died
and i tell you and you get p-ssed at me for tellin’ you
before i know exactly what the f-ck’s wrong
i was terrified, it seemed right, you deserved to know
sorry that i needed my bro’s support
so quick to forget your coolsville like you’re
too cool there, in your musical lair
it bites you feel alone cause i been here

[verse 3]

dami, you gotta figure this out, what do you want?
you say you’re p-ssion is writing, yet you’re not
you ain’t been to school and d-mn, the sand thinnin’
is it rap you wantin’?
cause they’re opaque, your gl-sses
and half full, ya gl-ss is, you’re p-ssive
so i gotta ask, do you really want this?
you’re tellin’ everybody it’s a hobby but yet
you neglectin’ fam, friends, avoiding a social life
relationships, and chances they can’t be mended
and all for this?
i ain’t sayin it’s the wrong move
but you better choose soon
before you’ve lost too much to go back
i know you wanna see how this ends
i ain’t mad, you’re my son and i love you
even when i ain’t there
and if you need help, you know i’m here

[chorus]

i’ve lost my way, lost myself
and if they come, tell ’em i’m in this h-ll
break me please, i’m unwell
this is a cry for

[verse 4]

oh my god, i’m just so f-ckin’ touched
over 2 years p-ssed, yo -ss still on us?
i got a new you, better
who knows just what the f-ck he wants
he’s head of a restaurant, watchu got?
obvi a lot of f-ckin’ time
to get yourself twisted and tangled
around that web you angled in your favor
okay, the song was lame, hon
let it go, you bitter d-ck
i won’t lie, you find your way into my mind sometimes
but only sometimes and by the sec i realize it’s you
i usually find somethin’ to better engage my thoughts
hey, you forget you’re the one who cut it off?
i changed or some bull, now i’m a sl-t?
how original, i’m so sad i got dumped by this brilliant rapper
who attacks in the most un-cliche
wanna-replay way, keepsake
whatever you need to keep sane
keep mocking me, babe, i’m not there

[verse 5]

yo, have you heard about damius
now he’s a rapper (he’s rapping?)
he thinks that he’s gonna be famous
it’s f-ckin’ hilarious, sustaining a sound that people love
and stayin’ around through the changes, i don’t judge (nah)
but i think i’d remember somebody with that much potential
essential to rap is producing and oh
did i mention? he does that too (wow)
big f-ckin’ news
i used to rap and my brother he used to produce
it’s f-cking common, no common, no lamar
it’s comedy fated to lose (true)
this dude is wasting his youth
yeah, i heard from a friend that he moved to la
to be a writer for movies
indecisive, i’m sure it’ll show in his music
he probably just ain’t all there

[interlude]

[verse 6]

listen
i never been this far from home
i never felt so d-mn alone
i never saw light, bleedin’ and feedin’ my—no, no, no
f-ck the excuses there is none
i’m exhausted, i’m thoroughly forging a memoir
to me and to all of who’s listening
i apologize mom, may, dad and to anyone else i neglected
i’m sorry, its just…
there are things that i needed to say
problems i had in my brain but in efforts i’ve made to express ’em
i created more pain, all of this sh-t was in vain
i feel like cuttin’ a vein, wit no cauterizing, down the river
i may have been bitter but babe
you ain’t infectin’ my days
truthfully, i did dwell on it often
but put to rest is that restless mistake
so don’t get confused, i wrote k for me
not for you, k? miss take
let’s compare where we’re both at in 10 years
i’ll savor the tears, so flavorful
my hate filled behind bars, a table-full
our fate paved to way to this heinous place cause that pain it pull
so i paint with dull nouns, i’m prayin’ they pleasure
illogical? yes, i do feel under pressure
but to anyone else thinkin’ my talent-less tales
are elaborate lies over-hyping my life
wantin’ to see if i’m real
come find out, i’m right here

[chorus]

i’ve lost my way, lost myself
if they come, tell ’em i’m in this h-ll
break me please, i’m unwell
this is a cry… (help)

- daymeus lyrics

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