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journal entry - daniel profeta (singer-songwriter) lyrics

journal entry lyrics
i’m finding it difficult to sleep you see, for when i sleep then i dream and when i dream then i wake, and the dreams are most unpleasant

“i’m finding it difficult to sleep at night,” i said and instinctively knew you couldn’t save me. people like you * people caught up in routine – as your way of placating yourself and numbing your soul. people like you just don’t understand. you don’t. you don’t f*cking understand

you know something, there’s this weird paradox between feeling confident or not. naturally i feel inadequate, unworthy, incapable, and like i fail at everything i try to do. i am self conscious, painfully f*cking awkward and self aware, to the point where i despise myself. and then the world tries to tell me these thoughts are unnatural and unhealthy, never mind the fact that this world is what made me think this way in the first place. but still i desperately attempt to fix myself and fit the required mold of confidence

i want to be cool and be accepted

so i force my thoughts down unfamiliar lanes, ones filled with appearances and impressions, clothes and possessions. i am calm, cool, collected, and never cry. i break rules and break hearts and i feel no remorse. i am now utterly beneath a mask and a complete egomaniac. no matter what i do, no matter what i care about, a sense of self loathing sets in… nonetheless

but nothing that i do could change how you see me, and nothing that you say could change the way i see myself. i’m restless but broke down, hungry but burnt out. but i will try to bend. contort myself into a more desirable shape for you. this page is but a single page in a whole story, but i’m failing math textbook pages with stupid rhymes, and i don’t know exactly where i’m going, all i know is i don’t want to be left behind

- daniel profeta singer songwriter lyrics

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