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where's the handle - dane cook lyrics

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i gotta tell you this, ’cause i always wanted to share
this with a crowd.
this is a story, it’s a coming of age tale.
and it’s about the first time i ever got head.

come on along with me.
i’ll never forget this, i was 17 years old.
and i took this girl out on a date, i took her to
papagenoo’s. and i got her the spaghetti basket.
it’s delicious.

and so, at the very end of the date, drove her home,
and we’re sitting in front of her house and it’s that
awkward moment, you know, when you wanna kiss but
you’re still so shy. and you end up talking for 4 and a
half f-cking hours.

so finally, she leaned in, she was like “well, anyway,
i should probably go ’cause it’s dusk.”

and i said, “yeah, i guess i should go to.” we both
leaned in and we -peck noise- kissed. and then out of
nowhere, i didn’t even expect it. she went “awww”.

and so very quickly i ripped off my jeans like i was in
the nba, and i put my seat back. and she started to
give me the bocoik, you know. it was fantastic and it
felt so good, and suddenly started feeling tingles and
jingles… like i was about to bocoik, you know what
i’m saying?

the law is we have to tell you. right ladies? we have
to let you know, we want to tell you. but we don’t, at
the same time. so i wan’t to tell her, but i tell the
seatbelt instead…

- dane cook lyrics

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