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the bare hare - dan squire lyrics

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in a land called ontario there lived a little hare
but the trouble with this hare was she hadn’t any hair
and so i guess you could say that the hare was bare
so she stayed home in the winter and she slept in her lair

when the bare hare reared her head, and smelt the air
of the crisp, rare spring, well she dug down where she’d buried
a pair of potatoes, or in french, some pommes-de-terre
but she wasn’t in quebec, so they were just potatoes

but where the spare taters were buried, they weren’t there
they’d been found by a scary bear, who wouldn’t share
so now the bear had the potatoes, and it had hair
which the bare hare did declare was unfair

now the bare hare developed an air of despair
she was scared of the hairy bear, who wouldn’t share
but she needed that pair of pommes-de-terre stolen there
so she headed out after the unaware bear

i forgot to mention earlier that the hare’s name was claire
and claire went and set a snare for the hairy scary bear
and the hairy scary bear was ensnared there, in claire’s hairy scary bear snare
and she said “lol – you’ve been impaired by a bare hare called claire!”

so the bear looked at the hare and he said, so debonair
“what’s your surname, claire, the bare hare with no hair?”
and the hare gave him a stare and said, “sir, it’s o’hare
my grandfather was irish and i’m proud of my hare-itage.”

and the bear said;
“hi there claire o’hare, the hare who’s hair is barely there
i’m a hairy scary bear with a pair of pommes-de-terre to spare
now you’ve snared me in your snare, so it seems only fair to share
but remember with potatoes just take care, that’s right, beware

undercooked potatoes contain glycoalkaloids
which are poisonous and really you should try to avoid
just put them in boiling water for half an hour, check they’re soft
and you’ll have a lovely carbohydrate snack you can scoff

now i know you think this is unlikely advice – i’m a bear
but the fact is i’ve become quite adept with kitchenware
and it’s from a health standpoint that i’m telling you this
i graduated as a fully qualified nutritionist

the end. if you’re wondering what happened next, the bare hare and the hairy bear started a love affair, which, based on their multi-mammalian genetics, resulted in some bare hares, hairy bears, bare bears, and hairy hares, barely hairy bears, very hairy hares and several hairy care-bears
so there you go

- dan squire lyrics

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