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renewal - dan. e lyrics

[verse]
used to contemplate about what could’ve been
if he didn’t drink, what could’ve been?
then my uncle died, what could’ve been?
could’ve been a father but my grandma lost her son
i don’t have the spirit if i’m losing faith to christ
if i had the spriit, could’ve been crucified
but i’m not a martyr, i don’t speak about the time
i would slit my right thigh, friend of mind saw
told a f*cking lie, wonder if he had a second thought
what could’ve been if he f*cking sought the truth
eventually my mother walked in and caught me
i was havin’ second thoughts
what could’ve been if i tried to stop
defining myself by the pain, past trauma
make a small change, it can make a big changе, comma
b*tterfly effect, i got a problеm
i’m looking to renew a part of myself
i’ve been in the hole, confined to myself
losing track of time, traumatized by the time
they taught me how to read the clock, count my finger, count the time
cut my finger, grit my t**th, i gotta stop
counting pain, past trauma, i can’t change if i’m not
looking to renew a part of myself
i’m looking to renew, i’m looking to renew
i knew i needed help when i told myself i don’t
i don’t need no n0body, i’ve been living on my own
symptom of depression, self*protection of my own
felt so alone that i told myself i don’t
felt ignored by people, so i’m holding onto those
that help me swim back to shore, gave me little bit of hope
so i dive back in, let me hold my nose
i’m not drowning this time but i’ve come way too close
seen it firsthand, secondhand, what’s yo’ dose?
twenty milligram, it’s gon’ keep me off the edge
sometimes, you just gotta jump and really take a chance
you’re running out of time, make a choice or regret
i’m not gon’ repeat like my predecessor
i don’t wanna be successor
i’ve seen ya wounds, infected yet treatable
covered in scars, a symbol of renewal

- dan e lyrics

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