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american dream - curtis waters lyrics

[spoken]
like that u2, “the streets have no name”
makes me think i’m twenty again, i just can’t believe that
how old are you again, man?
i’m fifty*seven now
fifty*seven? that’s cool, man
it’s gettin’ old, haha
does that scare you?
no, i don’t care, it doesn’t matter
i’m really scared of aging
well, i, well (yeah)
we’re all gonna age, so it’s better to focus on your music
yeah, no, i meant [?] (yeah)
it just feels like the, you can’t control it, you know? it’s (yeah)
i always thought it was, well, when i was a kid, i was still growing
when i was your size, or your age, i was like 5′ 11″
i grew almost three inches in college, twenty pounds of muscle
it just showed up (yeah)
just, i mean, i wasn’t even trying

[verse]
b*tch, i been a bad son, i’ve been tryna make a change
b*tch, i been a bad friend, i’ve been tryna make amends
i’ve been carryin’ this burden, i’ve been carryin’ this shame
i just gotta run away, i just gotta run away
when we left nepal, we were sleepin’ on the floor
mom was tryna get job, i was tryna go back home
felt ashamed that we were broke, felt ashamed of how we spoke
felt ashamed of my own skin, i was hangin’ by a rope
dad was workin’ at the factory, my mama never home
hated christmas, hated birthdays, all the rich kids coulda choked
knew i had to be a star when i was ten years old
once i make this f*ckin’ money, we ain’t never goin’ broke
i was only seventeen, uh, when you passed away
always felt i took some blame, didn’t know what i could change
you would shoot up at my house, all i did was look away
gettin’ worse every day, guess i lost all of my faith
i’ve been thinkin’ about your mom, d*mn, i hope that she’s okay
never went to where she stayed, i’ve been feeling way too scared
i could never go back home, i’ve been hidin’ in the states
all our friends turned to enemies, nothing’s been the same
when i dropped outta college, i hoped no one woulda known
i was tryna make some money, had to do it on my own
b*tch, i ran away from home, b*tch, i ran away from home
i’ve been runnin’ all my life, but i don’t know where to go
now i’m twenty*one years old, guess i finally reached my goal
but i still feel the same way when i was ten years old
man, i made so much money, i can’t count up all this dough
i can’t look my mama in the eye when i go back home
i’ve been tryna make you proud, i’ve been tryna make you proud
i let everybody down, i’ve been tryna make you proud
[bridge]
i wanna feel super human
i’ve been scared that i can’t do this
blamin’ you ’cause i feel useless
you know me and my excuses
sabotage and other habits
burn it all when i can’t manage
actin’ like my life don’t matter
same old story, same old pattern

[outro]
thank god for the pain, thank god for the pain
on the phone with my grandma, said i’m goin’ insane
i’ma go end it all, couldn’t deal with the shame
took a look at my palms and told me i’d be okay

[spoken]
but you, you’re already on your way to twenty*one, dude
just don’t give up (yeah)
like just put it [?]
let those things inspire you instead of, you know, [?]
yeah, it is, it is good (that’s amazing)
it is, it is good, yeah, it is, yeah
it’s hard, it’s hard to feel, i don’t know
for me, at least, it’s hard to feel proud of it
’cause it feels like a obstacle more than a achievement (yeah)
it’s like, “d*mn, what the f*ck am i gonna do?
how am i gonna ever top this?” you know?
it’s not about topping it, [?] to the next
well, it’s a good catalyzer (yeah, yeah)

- curtis waters lyrics

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