[ytp] it's all right here at your fingertits - cs188 lyrics
[intro]
singer
on your mark (mark) get set!
we’re riding on the internet!
cyberspace, cyber(sex)
interactive -ss site
a window to the webtight
searching for reality
get online
get online
take a piss on the internet!
title card
the jam family
the jamison family
eht nosimaj ylimaf
all in the family
sasha
hey there, it’s [?], this is my brother peter mom and dad, and i’m sasha. today, we’re gonna be [?] the basics of the internet
peter
it’ll be cool!
dad
now, here’s a little background- i got the whole family installed on our computer. it was a lot of work but it was really work it
peter
now that i’ve gotten on the internet, i’ve [unintelligible] i’d rather be on my computer that doing a homework -ssignment
dad
which makes me happy, as i would sure like them to go to hell some day. *open and close mouth* make me happy *eats hotdog*
mom
having the internet inter our home has had a great interpact inter our lives. rich keeps up with the stock market and our sock market and our c-ck market and our grave market and our doc martens market and i haven’t been able to get rich off ever since
dad
hough. hough. hough-hough-hough
peter
so let’s get stool let’s get underway
sasha
yeah
[transition]
singer
take a pee on the internet!
title card
the friends
arrive
the friends
arrive
the friends
arrive
the friends
sasha
yeah
mom
come on in!
sasha
dad’s just leaving, and mom says we can have the computer (slow) aallll ttoo oouurrsseellvveess!!
peter
hey andrew what’s up? *shakes hand vigorously*
mom
you make sure dasha and peter (peter, the smug thot, smirks at the camera) show you how they’ve done some of their school reports and not all that psycho stuff, okay?
dad
see you later, kids
fade out
singer
you’re goin’ surfing on the jello net!
fade in:
screen shows chip”s challenge
sasha
peter
peter
peter
remember how dad said we should start with the school reports?
peter
that’s true
upbeat trumpet
title card
let’s try this again
sasha
okay guys (hey guys,) the first thing that you need to know is that the internet is a maze, and it sounds complicated
friend 1
internet? what’s that?
friend 2
(distorted) what’s a wweebb ppaaggee?
peter
and then there’s e-mail
friend 1
e-mail? i heard that’s really neat
title card
wait a minute, she’s supposed to look stupid
friend 1
e-mail? what’s that?
peter
i’m not really sure what that is, so you better get an adult to help you with it
friend 1
yahoo?™ i’ve heard of that! so it’s a search engine, right? can we look at it?
peter
no- let’s start at the beginning, to get online, we need to type our parents’ address and credit card information
sasha
it connects you to the net through high speed line. does your computer have a modem?
friend 1
…
i think s-
sasha
yeah, because i remember when dad installed ours, he fucked up all of our computer data. and then there was something about fragments or someth-
peter
that’s right! dad had to defragment the disk too. it should be pretty easy for y-
sasha
(echoey) fragments or something?
sasha
and it only takes a few minutes until you’re online!
friend 1
and we can do it ourselves?
s-ssas
yeah!
headphones glide onto friend 1, who headbangs to wang chun- everybody have fun tonight
peter
well, to get started, you’ll have to get started, you do that through an internet spider
sasha
and then there was something about fragments or something?
friend 1
sauuas!
sasha
ha ha, very funny
peter
microsoft idiot explorer™ came with our computer
sasha
or you can download the other cr-ppy browser, nenenetscape nanavigator
peter
i used the world -wide- web to search the archives of the smithsonian museum a few weeks ago! i also had to pee. oh-ho-oh-ho-oh-ho-oh! want to write a letter to president clinton??
on screen
our friends lisa & andrew came over today & drew a penis
friend 2
is this like sending e-mail?
sasha
it is sending email
peter
i’m not really sure what e-mail is
friend 2
but who do we even look up the lighthouse?
peter
you type www.com
friend 2
okay. *loud stretching noises* pop
singer
you’re goin’ surfing on the search engine
peter
wanna search for cl-t cl-t cl-t cl-t?
friend 1
can we look at it?
peter
sure, just click on it, and the next thing you know-
*mouth agape at porn*
free screensavers!
friend 1
so thats how you get inter-connected to the internet
sasha
yeah
friend 1
and the search engines will show us all the millions of pages of websites and chatlines and web chats and game sites and everything?
peter
yey-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u! it’s all right here at your fingertits! end then there’s e-mail
strongbad
[indiscernible noises]
peter
they’ve got more stuff than you can imaaaaaaaaaaagine!
singer
take a shit!
peter
[indiscernible noises]
peter
this is one your dad will love- it’s porno.com!
{wet schlapping noises}
friend 1
wow, look at all the couuuuuuuuuuuu!
[penetration noises]
peter
i get wet real easily
friend 1
what could get so hard?
peter
yeah. [masturbates]
friend 2
now that is amazing
dad
their curiosity for learning has skyrocketed
friend 2
is this like sex?
sasha
it is sex
peter
that’s right! first mom had to get under dad, dad had to open the hole, aaaaaannndddd… give her the d-ck and then he came on her tits
friend 2
cool!
friend 1
so that’s how you get connected to the inter-
peter
yup! yup!
peteetep
yyuupp!!
friend 2
don’t they have chest games?
peter
yeah
sasha
no
friend 2
wawawaw
dad
all the kids enjoy the tits
peter
yeah, you can even talk with people all over the world with chat lines! look, i’ll show you
latinofriend555
hey buddy, how’s it going?
peterjamison623
ur a fake and g-y latino person lol
latinofriend555
i am very hurt by that, peter
peterjamison623
lol jk jk :sungl-sses_emoji:
singer
hate latinos on the internet!
tv man
now we can take this ferrari, and paste it right into windows right into windows right into windows right. now how much do you think microsoft windows is white? don’t answer
friend 1
so where else can we go?
peter
there it is! egypt!
friend 1
{incredulous} amazing! it looks just like it does in our history books, only it seems more real, like we’re there..
friend 1’s upper body floats around various stock backgrounds as internet-related things fly around and chill music plays
record scratch
dad
how do our kids do with cyber teachers?
friend 2
we look up school stuff-
title card
sure ya did..
friend 1
[thinking about michelangelo’s david’s penis] i can’t go another day without internet!\
friend 2
yeah, don’t talk about the g-y stuff
peter spins wildly
sasha
it’s not just for boys
peter
andrew! we can play interactive intercourse games on the net together!
friend 2
yes! yus! yos! ye-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eee!
title card
constructing a bomb to decimate your pathetic neighbourhood
singer
you’re goin’ surfing on the inter-boom
peter
let’s start with some important facts about bombs
friend 2
but where did you get that?
peter
it’s all right here at you fingertits! look, i’ll show you!
footage of bomb-related things on the internet
peter uses a home-made nuke to decimate his pathetic heighbourhood
mom
but honey, did you know that you could die on the internet?
peter and sasha
eeeeuuuugh!
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