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my sperm is healthy - crazy ex-girlfriend cast lyrics

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(prelude)
[darryl]
uh huh. uh huh. uh huh uh huh uh huh

[mrs. hernandez]
oh god, this is gonna be gross

(song)
[darryl]
my sperm is nice and healthy
in terms of sperm, i’m wealthy
i’m like warren buffett
i got so much of it
that’s what my doctors tell me

my point is in a nutsh-ll
each time i bust, i bust well
i got the quant-ty
and the quality
no iud is stoppin’ me

’cause my s-m-n’s steamin’ like a demon
and all the surrogates be screamin’
just give me some of that
premium-grade baby batter
i never splatter
my sperm, my sperm
is no cause for concern

my sperm is healthy!
my sperm is healthy!
aw shucks! gee whiz!
i got the best sperm in the biz
my sperm is healthy!
my sperm is healthy!
my sperm is healthy

(instrumental break)

(spoken)
[mrs. hernandez]
brad, you too?

(song)
[darryl]
even though i’m no teenager
my boys still throw a rager
they get bottle service
in every cervix
blowin’ eggs up like a pager

every lady’s gettin’ fertilized
got a diaphragm? it’s gettin’ pulverized
my sperm shines brighter than the sun
so wear special gl-sses or avert your eyes

give thanks my tank’s not shootin’ blanks
i’m in a league of my own, just like tom hanks
not a castaway
but i blast away
that thing i do
is inseminate you
with my sperm, my sperm
the tests have all confirmed

[lawyers]
his sperm is healthy!
his sperm is healthy!

[all]
aw shucks! gee whiz!
my sperm just aced the quiz
my sperm is healthy!
my sperm is healthy!
my sperm is healthy

(spoken outro)
[mrs. hernandez]
congratulations

[darryl]
thank you

- crazy ex girlfriend cast lyrics

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