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day 1: the flammarion pilgrim - crawl across the sky lyrics

day 1: the flammarion pilgrim

it’s been only around a day, more or less. i’m not sure why i’m recording this log, as i’m the last human. i have no means of continuing the line of the human race, nor would i have any interest in doing so, even if i had the means

it has been the case that people of my biological s*x have been rendered throughout human history often to objects or mere mode of reproduction. this is not to say that to have or not have children, or to be any way should determine the worth of a woman. it is not even the worth of the woman that is, i should say was, the issue, it was the imposition of any sort of expectation in relation to our s*x and the will of men that overrode our own
in the current state in which the world was before it collapsed, women were only inferior to men, insomuch that their situation created by our cultures and our societies only provided them with fewer possibilities. male and female stood opposed within a primordial mitsein, and women have not broken it. [i]

how strange, that a society so advanced and great, could not overturn the concrete inequality in reality – only touting enthusiasm for an abstract equality and a destiny, in actuality, would not want to share. for all its fanfare and good intention, it meant nothing, only operating within the confines of its own system and thus its limitations

being in the same system and desiring not true change, we were born to eternally recur and repeat. our lives, as we lived them, were grains of dust tumbling through glass to glass in an eternal overturning clock. [ii]

although i must really think about what true change would have looked like – many wave the banner of freedom and deal with the opposition, but it never does anything of great significance. can there be true change within the same system? perhaps. perhaps not. robespierre succeeded in revolution, but turned slave to the system he created. the system should change, but in such a way that defies a thermidorian reaction

but to do a thing of great significance. what does it mean to do such a thing? not just regarding the equality of rights for women and the eradication of discrimination, but to do anything of great significance?

many seek it outside of themselves, to be a part of a cosmic, metaphysical grander order of things, or perhaps in just a grander order of things

“why am i here?”

this is the question we all ask ourselves, some have objectively better answers than others. i don’t think anyone would contest (and not that there is anyone alive to contest) that the person who thinks, “i am here to earn money,” is a little better than, “i am here to k!ll.”

people placed their trust in god or gods, or in movements and parties, or in their nations and governments, these trusts sometimes helped better humanity, more often destroyed us. [iii]
in the name of our greater significances we have hurt, pillaged, ravaged, broken each other

and so, what does it mean to do a thing of great significance?
would it be significant even now, now that the only person i would impact is me? [iv]
can there be an objective significance? or is it subjective based on situation?

if anyone else were alive, they would tell me to do this or that. it doesn’t matter now. did it matter then?

now i am alone with little to do, i have very little choices that are available to me that would not be significant for anyone else
what should i eat? these things become of the utmost importance because they are my choices

and these now are my ultimate choices:
can my state of being right now be called living?
if it is living, shall i choose to live?
if it is not, what then?
is it better to cease existing altogether?
or is my life, my worth precious enough that i should continue to live as best as i can?
or is it precious enough to not want to see my degrading self?
the other humans, those lucky b*st*rds – they are free from the responsibility of freedom. i, myself, have been thrown into another world in which i am condemned to be free. i am the future of myself. [v]
how i shall choose to move forward becomes an odyssey. [vi]

[i] the second s*x, simone de beauvoir
[ii] the g*y science, friedrich nietzsche
[iii] thus spake zarathustra, friedrich nietzsche
[iv] no exit, jean*paul sartre
[v] existentialism is a humanism, jean*paul sartre
[v] https://www.intrusivethoughts.org/

- crawl across the sky lyrics

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