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chocolates - con-dom lyrics

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(coughing) “yoohoo! yoohoo! yoohoo…”

“[?], he doesn’t sleep, he’s suffering terribly, he can barely-”

(choking, gasps, sobs)

i was diagnosed with psp – progressive supranuclear palsy, a neurological degenerative disease for which there is no treatment or cure

it is said that the old doctors in their prayers don’t thank god for their continuing survival, but rather recite a litany of the diseases they wish to be spared. psp would be near the top of every praying doctor’s list

september 2002: my partner died of msa – multiple systems atrophy. by the time death finally came, the ability to walk, talk, swallow or even blink had gone. i do not want to end up like that – i don’t want to be remembered as completely incapacitated, which i will be

i am finding walking, speaking, and swallowing increasingly difficult. i have had a series of falls since january 2003; i broke my wrist twice and thumb once. i reported deterioration in my speech in summer 2004. i had put the falls down to carelessness, but was unaware of my slurred speech for some time

i want to commit suicide. it is my right to die with dignity

i have discussed the question of suicide with my children and close friends. they all support my decision, having all seen the effect of a very similar illness on my partner – the terrible suffering the loss of dignity, the long slow demise into a wretched existence

i have been seen by one psychiatrist three times and by another once. they left no questions about my soundness of mind. nor did they think i was depressed. i do not think i am. i know that i cry a lot, but i also laugh inappropriately. i think it is all part of the emotional liability which is a feature of psp

i know that people say i look well, but i am not. my condition has deteriorated an awful lot, particularly my speech. i hate talking on the phone now, and really, i don’t like talking much at all

i am so tired of being dependent on people

by the time this reaches you, i will be dead. i am firm in my belief that i must end my life now, while i am still able. i am ready now, i am resolute, it is better now than when i am totally helpless. i do not want to go home

i am going to k!ll myself. i hope to have spared you some of the protracted grief

i don’t think death has ever held any fear for me. i have no faith, i am a humanist. dying is like going to sleep

now, i have to be able to swallow a solution of barbiturates. i am told it will be bitter
but there are chocolates…

- con dom lyrics

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