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global warming rap battle - college humor lyrics

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[intro by a sesame street looking puppet]
ugh!
this heat wave is unbearable!

[pat]
whoa there, bud
before you get your low degree on
maybe stop and think about
how you’re spendin free on
ac’s seem cool
but they sap a lot of power
and those ice caps
are getting smaller by the hour
so if you want to “chill out”
here’s a solid plan:
just crack that window
or buy a nice box fan
toss that ac
cause no offence, man
but nothin feels cooler
than helping the enviro-

[murph]
fuck that!
crank this shit
get the frigid air rippin’
screw the polar bears, dude
my nuts got sweat drippin’
it’s hot as
a mofo
humid as
a b-tch
i’m about to crank this shit
’till we get frost bit
install a wall-unit that can go
below sixty
we’re fresher in our sweaters so let’s get this
b-tch nippy
convenient truth is
ac is legit
so the polar ice caps
can fucking suck my d-ck

[pat]
stay smart
in the summer
do your part
in the summer
we should all play nice;
lower lights (nah man!)
in the summer
conserve
in the summer
preserve
in the summer
don’t need to drink beer
volunteer
in the summer (fuck that!)

[pat]
hold on now, bud
show some hesitation
’cause you’re only three miles
from your destination
a bicycle’s a nice way to feel the breeze
it’s easy on your knees
and the fuel is free!
stay hydrated with
mother earth’s potion
h2o!
it’ll keep you in motion
helmet on
shorts hiked
ready to go
on a summertime adventure
to–oh no!

[murph]
fuck you!
it’s too hot
don’t bike like a dumb-ss
hop in my hummer
we can guzzle supreme gas
and if we make a stop
when it’s fucking sunny
we’re gonna keep the car cool
and leave the engine running
stay hydrated
drinkin 60 ounce redbulls
and when we’re finished
throw ’em right out the window
littering’s the bomb
cause that shit so easy
it’s someone else’s problem
yo that shit so pleasy!

[murph]
get crunk
in the summer
drive drunk
in the summer
flick a cigarette b-tt in dry leaves
in the summer (pat: come on, man)
start a fire
in the summer
burn a tire
in the summer
if you want to get girls
k!ll squirrels
in the summer (pat: why?)

[pat]
summers like this
i hope i’ll see ya
takin a dip
at the local marina

[murph]
fuckin jet ski
getting max speed
i get a mile to the gallon
breaking coral reefs

[pat]
no, please stop!
man, you’re k!lling ocean
can’t you have fun
without spreading destruction?

[murph]
don’t knock it till you try it
have you ridden a jet ski?

[pat]
i suppose that i haven’t

[murph]
yo then get in the b-tch seat

[pat]
oooooooh shittttttt

[pat]
oh my god
this is great

[murph]
yeah i told you, son

[pat]
yeah, we’re messing with the ozone
and it’s tons of fun

[murph]
jet skis for life man
yo, fuck all the fishes

[pat]
who gives a shit about carbon emissions
let’s paint the ocean with manatee brains

[murph]
straight rockin up their domes
yo, this shit is insane

[pat]
yeah we’re k!lling the planet

[murph]
but no need to dread

[pat]
by the time the world ends

[together]
we’ll already be dead

- college humor lyrics

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