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living failure - codex obscura lyrics

just in case you care;
please don’t worry about me
if you love me, please worry
i am not okay
i don’t care for myself
i don’t want to die here

life in paint
i chose my canvas and a palette of colors too dull
and an easel that’s broken
step back, thumb out, and see that it’s f*cked

let me out
regardless of what i say out loud
i am a f*cking prisoner in my self hatred

“no one f*cking matters”
i always try to tell myself to cope with the emptiness
of casting all my friends away
anger and depression;
giving up and hiding is the quickest and easiest method of social suicide

“i won’t”
“i can’t”
“i don’t”
“it won’t work”
“i’m not”
“i’ve tried”
these are all the things i say to make myself believe i’m lost
beyond help
no one can save me
writhing in agony
i am all alone
and it’s my fault

pulling out my hair
pounding heart inside
trying to catch a grip
panic is the only thing that i can feel
overtaking anger, flagellate myself for feeling happiness
hatred is my being and my downfall
i am fueled by misanthropy
threat of death manipulating mechanisms making pain more palatable to myself
i will suffer voluntarily to make you all remember my existence
self*inflicted injuries shining like a beacon in an ocean of despair
i don’t want your pity i just want to know you care

i am pathetic

i will make myself the victim
so you can’t get to me
turning all my insecurities outward
i hate you because you like yourself
unlike me

i don’t want to admit that it’s okay to be imperfect
i will never meet my own standards
i see myself a living failure

- codex obscura lyrics

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