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dear em m&m || spoken - clayton jennings lyrics

we’ll give it a shot…
johnny was like eighteen, christina was two
but christina didn’t know the bad things discrete johnny used to secretly do
so when he got put on charge of the church nursery, johnny did, well, what johnny’s do
and the next thing you know, you got a little girl who’s been victimized before knowing what the definition of victim is itself
that’s how a demon will manifest itself
if someone put a finger on my daughter, prayer chain for his health
i’d put rusty chains around his neck and pray “and rest in h*ll”
i’d push that bully to suicide just like bullies push my fans around
bullies bullying kids, and everyone just stands around
then clayton grabs his b*lls, steps to the mic, and stands his ground
and we cry and say, “o*m*g, he’s having a meltdown”
i wasn’t having a meltdown when i put those middle fingers up
i was calling out the snakes that slither in secret huts
pulpit bunker, secret sl*ts
who’s he talking about? just call them out
clayton, who are you talking about in your poetry?
if i explained every word of every verse, it wouldn’t be poetry
break down my art for the critics?
uh, yeah dog, that’s a no from me
randy jackson voice
people come around me and the first thing they say is
“i didn’t think he’d be so tall”
first thing i think when i see my enemies in public is
wow, i didn’t think they’d be so small
but you’d never be able to find them
i’d hide the bodies in stealth
“clayton, be like jesus, don’t be like yourself”
maybe you haven’t read the bible that sits dusty on your shelf
the bible where god k!lls more people than he saves
the bible where jesus arose from the grave
funny thing is, i still have yet to see him
and i pray someday i’ll get to meet him
i’ve never seen jesus, but i’ve seen a lot of demons
shoutout to victor marx and jeff voth and the rest of the real men
who don’t sit on their asses while the devil prays, that’s the real sin
passive*aggressive christians
massive deception, listen
if you really believe in h*ll, why aren’t you warning your neighbors?
you’d rather sit inside and read the obituary on the back pages of the paper
real good job pointing people to christ
real good job stepping out of your bubble to save a life
i was in the baltimore riots trying to shout jesus
i had starving kids in zimbabwe begging us not to leave them
but when i’m off the road and i get attacked and called a heretic and heathen
about the same time i go to attack those people, it’s time for me to leave again
if you wanna know the real me, don’t read the blog sites, just ask a friend
how i’ve had their backs in the places we’ve been
the heartache i carry and the weight of my sin
if something happened to jamie, i wouldn’t know how to date again
’cause i’m scared of these women who come up smiling and ask for a pic
they want the clout but they also want the*
woah, get your head out of the gutter there, seth
i like picking on that little guy the best
he’s like bubbles without the glasses
got shot down by every girl in his classes
now he sits behind his keyboard and googles beth moore and then starts to trash her
“if she’s popular and pretty, i hate her
i wish we could put out an article saying clayton raped her
that way we could k!ll two birds with one stone”
is this handicapped kid stoned?
i bet you put lipstick on and dance around home alone
you look in the mirror and you’d do anything you could just to be me
and j.d. promised he’d do everything he could to see me
but he never showed up on my tour
it was sixty*two cities
i’m not afraid of a guy who has double d’s for titties
“clayton, you aren’t acting like the lord!”
have you read the verse where jesus said sell your cloak and buy a sword?
this is too easy for me
i’m honestly bored
who’s next? i already destroyed pulpit and pencil
i’ve already shown the whole world that they’re mental
“uh, clayton said pulpit and pencil, it’s pen”
i know the two are mistakable
no, i called them that because they’re erasable
shoutout to the real men and women who hit the streets and fight back
if it’s like that then it’s like that
people said i fell off but caught a new wave and came right back
and now you see me in your feeds again
hi, it’s clayton, h*llo there friends
i’m having a hard time going to sleep again
not because i’m not tired or worn out
but because these demons sit back and pull their p*rn out
the moment my eyes shut, their eyes open
and if i don’t confess these things to my fan then there’s no growth in
i’m writing this for my fans, not bloggers who pretend to be grown men
anyways, where was i?
and i don’t mean where have i been
i mean what topic was just at hand as i held this pen?
i remember now
yeah, i haven’t ever seen jesus christ
but i’d put it on my life that i’ve seen a demon twice
and the weirdest thing
those demons were kinda nice
except for the one who tried to bite me in the nile river
man, i could tell you stories that would make your skin quiver
if you don’t believe me about the demons in the nile river
hit up anyone else on that trip and become a file getter
we have footage of this lady trying to bite her arm off
i’m sensing my add alarm going off
i don’t care the way they see me when i’m pilled up and dosing off
and speaking of things that get me out of this fog
my dad could tell i was doubting god
he said get in the word and my problems would be solved
as if handing me this one book is going to erase the doubt in my head
but okay daddy i’d say as i’d run off to bed
next thing you know, i’m only six or seven
and i’m reading about how not all people get into heaven
the same book that he gave me to show me the truth
did the opposite because i found there’s really no proof
something isn’t right
i need to know more
you guys keep telling me to relax and take time off more
i wanna attack, and you’re like what for?
because part of me is starting to believe i’m being lied to
if god k!lled sodom, why didn’t the devil die, too?
and when the snake tried to whisper in eve’s ear, why’d he allow her to be lied to?
you coulda stopped her but you didn’t, so now we gotta die, too?
and what about sin, where do i begin?
satan’s pride, i know, i have all the answers memorized, too
but do you honestly believe you have the spirit deep down inside of you?
yes, i’m asking if you’re saved
you and me are just alike, both awaiting on that long dark train
in other words, we’re both headed to the grave
maybe heaven, maybe h*ll
but did god create h*ll?
’cause i can’t tell
i mean he creates everything, right?
bulb over my head turns on like a light
then that must mean god put sin inside of satan
after all, there’s nothing that wasn’t made by him
some of you will say god doesn’t want robots
well what the h*ll does that even mean?
he wants people to pick up their cross and be on his team?
and you know what, i’m cool with that
but i’m doubting god, and i don’t know what to do with that
’cause if i call my dad, he’ll call me right back
but there are times i’d call out to god and get silence in the black
i’m floating along here in sp*ce like matthew mcconaughey, “don’t leave me, murph!”
just like part of me is yelling out to you, “don’t leave me, church!”
interstellar with this poetry, i’m in forever
’cause once you listen to this, you and me are together
or whatever that is in men, now it’s in you
jezebel comes for whoever, you don’t get to choose
so go to spotify, itunes, or stream it on apple
but don’t take a bit of that last like that dumb chick did
now because of eve i gotta live with a diabetic kid?
and who put the apple in there, huh? god did
somebody better turn my mic off and get me off this
i wonder how many donors this poem is gonna cost us
they say they cost me, well maybe they cost us
half of me wants to walk away from jesus and never look back
i told that to a jew in israel, and he was shocked when he looked back
“do you have doubts, clayton?”
he leaned in to ask me at the garden of gethsemane
pardon me if this goes too deep
i didn’t wanna tell him ’cause it felt like a sin to me
but i looked him in the face and said i have more questions than answers
i said it before, this depression is cancer
and i think i have stage three
’cause i’m questioning god, the church, and even me
that jew said, “you’re the only famous pastor who’s been real with me
most of them try to convert me, and i don’t like that that feels to me
but you’re authentic, and for that my faith has been strengthened”
i’m glad it was good for him, but mine just got weakened
i kept replaying that day in my head all weekend
what if he goes to h*ll because i didn’t preach to him?
and why does he think i’m famous when i’m not?
why does he think i’m a pastor when i’d rather be shot?
why do people keep putting me on pedestals that i hate?
why do they eat popcorn during my meltdown and hope that i break?
the only thing i’ve ever broken is the back door on these fakes
and i came right in and made myself at home
i am the voice of this bullied generation, give me my throne
now take that throne and throw it straight in the fire
you call yourselves sheep and you say clayton’s a goat
g*o*a*t, i’m flattered you think i’m the greatest of all time
but that’s not my desire
i’ll give you a break to go back and listen to my poetry line after line
i only speak my mind
one of the few things about me i admire
the other things are this
… d*mn, right now i can’t think of anything else i like about me
these people sure do have a lot to say about me and a lot to write about me
but i’m not like you, and you’re not like me
see, what you’re seeing is a g*nius at work
which to me isn’t work
i guess i am really the eminem of spoken word

- clayton jennings lyrics

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