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how i met my ex - christian tucker lyrics

it’d be cliche to say that i miss my ex
and even more to say that i’m better off instead
but truthfully, i just find it hard to forget
that even the most perfect, could still come to an end

ive just turned 18, and lately i’ve been getting into the dunedin poetry scene
im performing any where i can, and any where i get the chance
telling stories id written on the street, at festivals and open mic nights at local bars
never been in love, but im performing poems all about it
and as people start to listen i soon found myself surrounded
months later i’m invited to an event of facebook
to perform an underground show hosted by some girls i once went to school with
i quickly cl!ck accept, and message i’ll bring a few friends
especially seeing how many hundred kids will be there at the event
the day comes, i’ve written new poems and a chance cover
and get to the venue to only start to wonder
where everyone had gone
in the room there were only 4 people there
and at this point im starting to consider whether it’s even worth being here
i swear, maybe it was a little bit of smile from one of the girls
that made me stay and perform and from there would change my whole world

i finished singing chance the rapper, knowing i didn’t do it any justice
but its awkward enough to just leave and never again have to wonder
and i am as i feel my own ego plummet
but on my way out the door she turns to me and tells me how much she loved it
this girl, in a bomber jacket, white nikes and the little warm smile
her own unique style, asks me how long it took me to write, about my life, and we get to talking for a while
it’d be cliche to say it was love at first sight, it really wasn’t
i thought about her on the way home but never any more of it
until that then sat-rday, im performing in some high school poetry show
and there she is again, sitting right in the front row
and before i can get to her to start talking
i find out she too was performing
with this outraging confidence, that had my ego a little roaring
i didn’t ending up winning that night, came off second best
but felt like i had won when i got one new insta follower and then a facebook friend request
im getting stressed, and way too over the top excited
what should i message her, and how would she find it
the first time feels had made me a little frightened
im trying not to freak out
but i must look like freak the way im freaking out, now an insta follow
i can hardly speak im freakin freaking out
and thinking how i’ll seem when im freaking out
wow

we start talking, and i realise this girl is an individual
thankfully she’s single and has an extraordinary amount of p-ssions
and talents, she protests for equality, she’s into photography and training to be an actress
in comparison, telling her im a just poet has made me a little bit embarr-ssed
but its magic
we keep talking, and talking turns into a first date
and the first date turns into staying up until late
and then into early hours
running around town in the dark in kmart parking lots in shopping carts under the shooting stars
im not talking about my persona when i say i was getting a little hard
so when i drop her off at her grandmas at 4am
im flawed again, told her i thought she was gorgeous and hope we can talk again
and its clear, there’s something there, and for the first time i feel that little spark

fast forward to last day of school, its summer, i don’t see my friends but get right on a bus to see her
she’s living out of town, in a little house on the beach where you can almost see the seals
and to be honest, the months from there go past like a blur
living on the beach, by the sea, but im looking at her
waves crash, birds call and we’re climbing the mountains
and whenever i’d go home i couldn’t handle even a little time without her
frank ocean cd’s playing inside mum’s minivan
this was the sweet life, sitting by bonfires for as long as we can
sitting on logs, watching the fading sunset
i’ll have the car home soon forget what mum said

but summer couldn’t last forever, and very rarely had it occurred to be
this was just a dream in the grand scheme of moving to university
and its not like we would be separated, moving both to the same city
but complications come that start to pick at the details of the gritty
like really we won’t have the time, i was moving city just for the grind
of trying to make my poems known to the thousands, wanting fame on every try
and she had plays and movies to act in, and friends to make
and with every little detail that’s added, everything gets put at stake

and to be honest, the whole change had riddled me with anxiety
picking out certain moments asking if she had lied to me, asking if she was fine
and im sitting on the sideline of trying to be performing every night
while asking questions like
who’s the new group she’s smoking with?
who’s the new dude she’s in the photo with?
why’s he make her smile that that?
and why’s she never text me back?
all of it just became too much
everything adding up
it was way too much to dismiss it
she had seen a side to me that i didn’t know existed
so at this point not only am i starting to feel a little broken
im looking back at 6 months where i hadn’t written a single poem
and i’m sitting there afraid
i knew something had to change

i still remember the night, sitting by the waterfront
saying it was all enough, i got so sick of acting tough
and i still feel guilty, and i still think back
to the time over summer that changed my heart like that
months have gone past, i thought i could forget it
but truthfully there’s still times when i know i still regret it
haven’t seen any photos and i haven’t seen her around
but i hope she’s doing well, i hope she’s still pursuing and i hope she’s got a smile and i hope she’s always moving
we’re not those same kids anymore

as months have gone past i’m soft spoken but hard headed
and sometimes i have to pretend that i don’t have my regrets
but i’ve learnt a lot

the difference between a breakup and breakdown
is the direction you choose at the end

- christian tucker lyrics

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