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cabin fever - chris webby lyrics

[intro]
yeah, man this year is f*cking k!lling me
being trapped in this f*cking house, i’m losing it

[verse]
stab myself in the neck to see how quick i bleed out
that’s how bored i’ve been in quarantine stuck in a f*cking house
good thing i got a pound of drugs up under the couch
if i didn’t, sh*t i would’ve lost my mind by now
so bored that i stapled my own d*ck to the floor
just to see what would happen, now i can’t p*ss anymore
so my bladder backed up and exploded up in my body
but i picked up surgery as my quarantine hobby
so i managed to tape it up and stapled it shut
and i rerouted my urethra, now i pee through my b*tt
“webby, seriously dog, like what the f*ck?”
my bad i’m on drugs, i’m just making this up (true)
i went milf hunting at whole foods with whole plans
hadn’t got laid in weeks, i was ready to go ham
tried to f*ck a cougar but settled for roast ham
and by that i mean actually f*cking a roast ham
i put on a trojan and grabbed it with both hands
and lubed that b*tch up with a can of cold spam
gave it a few thrusts, got a quick nut
’til they called the pigs up, then i just zipped up and i ran (skedaddle)
now that’s a triple pork entendre
probably got like 87 baby mommas
that’s why i will always stay changing my numbers
“who’s my dad?” hmm nah, i’ll just let ’em wonder, kinda kidding
but what’s a future with some kids in my plans
i mean our only common interest is sh*tting our pants and sucking on tits
and regular having women wiping down and touching our d*cks
(yo, you bugging for this)
i went on the dark web drunk the other night
and woke up with a brand new ukrainian wife
gotta be honest, at first sh*t was pretty uncomfortable
so i loosened her up with that classic [?]
that’s a roofie joke, that’s cool in 2020 right?
no? i’m just tryna keep it light
but it’s hard to read the room, sh*t i got terrible sight
can i at least make jokes about transvestites?
or would that make me a d*ck? get it? make me a d*ck
and all these uptight b*ttholes are making me sick
i’m in the gender*neutral bathroom taking a sh*t
door open, sitting there waving and sh*t
like “hi kids, do you like sirens?
hang around with me enough you’ll see police officers and firemen
following me driving, swerving’ til they’re piling on top of each other as i just speed away smiling”
’cause webby’s so ridiculous, crazy as a bitter b*tch
that i haven’t texted back since i gave her syphilis
and gonorrhea, i ain’t know i was infected
but it’s all good, at least i’ve been coronavirus tests
swabbed on my d*ck and i went and post marked it
priority mail right to the [?] market
pretty sure i’ll pass, i’ve been wearing a mask
am i healthy on a diet, eating nothing but [?] (delicious)
on my ozzy osbourne, just a child [?]
they mistook me for some kind of devil that’s in human form
’til i bleached my red skin and i sawed off my h*rns
’cause all i do is sin, take drugs and watch p*rn
got a craigslist hooker just to talk to her
thought it would be chill but nothing could’ve been awkwarder
all i needed was someone to listen to what i say
“get a therapist” she told me while giving me head
yeah i got a lot of problems but i never let ’em get to me
fart on elevators and i blame the woman next to me
all for gender equality as long as that includes a b*tch doing my laundry and getting my dishes washed for me
honestly i’m just motherf*ckin’ kickin’ up dust
just to do it, so you can go and l!ck on my nuts
you can find me all high in my car getting puffed
either there or at the dog park sniffing b*tts
yeah i’m friggin’ nuts, do you not get it?
sh*t i always was, [?] a pandemic
when i’m locked in the crib with mad pills, free time and no chill
but f*ck it, we going crazier still but here’s a hook
[outro chorus]
so follow my lead and do what i do
snort a bunch of cocaine and run around nude
jump in the gorilla enclosure up at the zoo
[?] blackout til you work interviews
so follow my lead and say what i say
p*ss off any and everybody that’s in the way
who gives a f*ck? sh*t, the world is ending any day
sh*t, i forgot to write a last line
f*ck it

- chris webby lyrics

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