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magical pet - china, il lyrics

[baby cakes and leonard]
ah, morning ritual! a cup of coffe, and the special brand of h-ll my lunatic son has concocted
-sigh- every day it’s something else…
daddddd, we’re gonna get me a magical pet!
oh god…

i need a magical pet because i’m a princess
what?
all disney princess have one
a magical pet? yes!
all disney princess have animals
in fact they only have pets they never have friends
look son, really…
cinderella had rats
snow white had rabbits and birds
belle had the beast that she let have s-x with her
those aren’t real!
you can’t prove that
don’t play that card!
it’s t-tty for tat
you can’t prove what’s real
hey! let’s take a second to define reality
and maybe have some brunch and drink some booze
snooze!
i’ve got to go to work and you’ve got… something else
so here’s some pocket cash, go get tattoos! okay?
jasmine had a tigger that she let have s-x with her
pocahontas? coon skin hat!
mulan had dragons dad!
he man had a battle cat
ariel-red lobster fest
now i need one too!
you’re not gonna stop this?
what do you think?
i think that you’re crazy
no not this week
i need me a frog with a magical glow
or just maybe a dog that’s a real lightning bolt
or maybe a mouse with a wand
or a rat with a sack filled with sacks full of bags full of hags who cast all their magical magical spells from the bags oh my god please oh please come on dad…
-sigh- okay, we’re gonna get you something magical!
yes!
but keep in mind that magic is all in your head!
nope!
i’m finally gonna get my magical pet now
and if we fail i promise i’ll be dead
i will be dead
i will die
i’ll be dea-okay, alright, i get it! jesus christ…

- china il lyrics

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