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distilled spirits - changy lyrics

[quote by alan watts]
n0body can help themselves they’ve got to talk human beings are a bunch of chatterboxes and when we’ve got something in our minds that we want to talk about we talk. now poetry, though, is the great language, because poetry is the art of saying what can’t be said. every poet knows this. you’re trying to describe the indescribable, and every poet also knows that nothing is describable. whether you take a some sort of ineffable mystical experience at one extreme or whether you take an ordinary rusty nail at the other. nothing is really describable. those who know do not say, those who say do not know and yet he said that

my house a hermit kingdom, not like north korea
got the sweetest, something like ikea
i’m the king of the court, you needa come to the house, subpoena
locked in my vault, something like aida
impenetrable answering machine, like i was built by nokia
living portable playstation, psvita
they stressed out alopecia

my peers seem concerned with the future
they don’t live in the present
it’ll be here soon enough it’s no need for the stressin’
you can’t be afraid of time, that’s it’s greatest weapon
i must admit i’ve been afraid of hours and seconds
i’m learning to accept it, to join with its presence
graduated early but life never stopped testin’
forever dissatisfied, so i just keep on pressin’
life’s a blessing, i work too hard gotta get more rest in
thought if i’m not going forward, then i must be regressin’
when the world values money over everything
it don’t give a f*ck about nothing
unproductive production, it’s like selective progression
if it ain’t profitable, it ain’t worth discussin’
tryna tell me i don’t work enough
like some natural deodorant
were tryna skip sleep, like it ain’t a vital component
in order to live in the moment
you gotta rest for a moment
my art exhibits modern issues
like a display at the moma
used to walk around in a sleep deprived coma
floating right through my day, wingardium leviosa
now the vessel of my body filled up with life like i’m noah

astute and sagacious
mentally outrageous
my minds a garden
protected from hatred
very encrypted and sacred
clandestine sp*ces
for me, life’s a never*ending interrogation
every time i make a discovery they try and barrade and take it
they want mercilessly categorize until they’ve dissolved the sacred
leave no leaf unscrutinized leave mystery exposed and naked
thirst for understanding causes esophagus burning
so much time studying leaves no time for learning
and we wonder why depression lurking?
always searching, but never certain
pull back the curtain, find another curtain
for such a blessed world there’s a lot of hurtin’
an immense inner world i’m so internal
makes it hard to overcome my outer*worldly hurdles
i been reconciling with my journal
i’m not really concerned with the realm of the material
might as well be a vegetable
in another dimension like tetsuo
providing magical assistance like kiki and totoro

life’s subjective
i got a real weird perspective
my mind goes on tangents
they tried, they can’t really direct it
i’m eccentric
they never seem to expect it
the human life can be plain
it’s hard not to embellish it
most jobs really suck, they gotta read you all the benefits
i was terribly bad at things
that now they’d call me gifted
leads me to believe that talent is fictitious

got a l*st for fulfillment
i entrust none with my feelings
i stay up late beyond my expiration date trying to find fulfillment
the best moments in life be the ones where you ain’t filmed it
the taste of the food oftentimes better than the nourishment
i just get stuff done never relied on encouragement
when treacheries arise it gets hard to hide my disappointment
hard to be souple and smooth when i got so many flies in my ointment
bike rides three in the morning, unpredictable i don’t give a warning
(ummenumenum umenah)
strange sounds grab hold of my ears let go of me
might have to cut one off out of fear
might be a lil van gogh in me
they take what i do so serious
man i just write poetry
i ain’t got the secret to the mystery
the keys to end all my misery
don’t say it directly just leave hints in my tapestries
sometimes can’t decipher the superficial illusions of fineries
sometimes don’t use proper judgment to solve discrepancies
let trespassers get the best of me

if the world’s my prison cell
i couldn’t tell you what i’m in here for
run*on sentences
don’t know where it ends always lookin’ for more

keep a screen on me like a teletubby
trying to rhyme myself back to health
restoreth my sanity
trying to reverse the course of time
trying to push back on reality

the elephant in the rooms wearing a suit, call it babar
separation makes people wine call that a decanter
don’t do the talk i’m not into all the chatter
i’m tired of the pressure
man i needa sequester
tired of putting myself out there
feeling like i’m a beggar
looking for something i can’t find
i don’t feel any better

inspect your gadget is that thing building bad habits
do it got your best interests?
do them companies got the best intent?

spent all day on my lil entertainment box
connected to the whole world
still feel like my communication blocked
looking at the natural world, feeling like my connection lost

social media doesn’t care that you work minimum wage
and spend most of your time doing stuff you hate
its sole goal is to keep you entertained

people so busy looking for attention
that they forgot to pay attention
i remember back in school man i miss it
when everyone couldn’t just check out if they didn’t wanna listen
i was stuck in the web like a spider’s victim
broke free of the system
infinite feed endless consumption
freedom’s more like free doom these days
cause all we seem to do with free time is waste it away
you see it was designed this way
the longer you stay the more money is made

i feel things that can’t be put into words
i have thoughts that are just images
it’s like patterns
i think about the atmosphere of things
i can feel the themes
i don’t even know how to explain it
maybe this is what people mean when they talk about vibes
my mind recognizes things that i don’t yet understand
but it still makes sense
clairvoyance

get up off your soapboxes
y’all preaching so much
you need to stop it
get off your high horse
throats be getting ho*rs*
dudes need a lozenge
some things can’t get done on yo lil boxes
keeping up with bullsh*t that sh*t is exhaustin’
every little things a hot topic
so many opinions
i don’t have time for me to process

sadness on the rise and so is suicide
i ain’t no expert so i’m left to theorize
back when we didn’t have happiness at the touch of a b*tton
when you couldn’t watch people have s*x
to give you a false sense of pride
phones ain’t bad they just addictive
they so convenient it’s deceptive
they say social media ain’t social at all
kinda makes sense when i cut that sh*t out
i started to evolve
looking back it seems like the means to an end
the less i cared about that sh*t
the more i cared about my friends
relationships had time to deepen
i was drowning in surface*level bullsh*t like the deep end

weight of the world sits on me like atlas
the worlds not what i expected its feeling like a catfish
gse they be unloading all their baggage
even the weight of the world couldn’t make me serious
i don’t vocalize all my thoughts so they think i’m mysterious
feeling like george man i’m so d*mn curious
out in the desert of life, scaling the pyramids

so hard to not find self*worth in the approval of others
ever since a kid, i been a different motherf*cker
announced my album and they thought i was doing covers
n0body knew i could rap not even my mother
one of those motherf*cker rapping under the covers
a closeted rapper yet to be discovered
you ain’t gotta worry momma i got it covered
what’s the point in living a life without care for others
become a cash cow they wanna milk you udders
can’t push you to the curb if you came from the gutters
if there was two of me it would over for you suckers
there would be no limit to what i could motherf*cker
john, i like your songs but you be saying some weird sh*t
i said i said what i said and i ain’t f*ckin stutter
writing dope sh*t just my bread and b*tter

[quote by charles bukowski]
schroeder: but you knew you had talent
bukowski: they all think they have. how do you know that you’re the one? you don’t know. it’s a shot in the dark. you take it, or you become a normal civilized person from eight to five. get married, have children; christmas together, here comes grandma, “oh, hi, grandma! come on in. hi, you.” you know
sh*t, i couldn’t take that, i’d rather murder myself

my taste is getting more obscure
i probably need to talk to people more
i like watching films without narrative or score
music that’s devoid of all musical form
i’m not really good at keeping up a rapport

you could say i’m getting wilder
but i just want my lil house on the prairie
i use words tersely
the girls and their be jukeboxes
feels like they skip over and play me

i’m an observer of the s*xual world
of the sensual scantily clad acts of soul
my music taste is impeccable
leaving the house causing a spectacle
had to look a few times she too d*mn beautiful
yo moms be like, “oh john he’s very respectable.”

spend most of my time engrossed in thought
that’s why when we get together, i don’t see much of a need to talk
life’s quite the commitment, it’s a full*time job

mood fluctuating like the stock market
just yesterday i was at an all*time high
next, i’m not going to work and we in a depression
not really tryna talk if you ain’t my family or my best friend
this like when you go thru hard stuff but you still be smiling
life too good it would be a waste to not get a smile in

tryna rush my artworks
man that’s not how art works
i can write all*day
but i’m trying to make that stuff that make your heart burst

were attached to what once was
there’s a nostalgic influx
everything these days a redux
all the girls wearing reeboks

i might just write my stuff in third person
get someone else to spit the verses
i stay overnight at churches
wake up make breakfast for the priests
plant a garden and cook feasts

the world works despite you
the truth is inside you

thoughts strewn across my head like bookmarks
i may be intelligent but i’m very not book smart
got knowledge of things you wouldn’t expect like nardwuar
my brain imbued with visions of grandeur
they try to conversate with me end up with one*sided banter
my brain be deleting sh*t
me tryna recall the story be like talking to dory
sometimes in a conversation
the other person will just do the talking for me
play my cards so close they not sure if i even have any
they don’t know how to deal with me

life’s a long compromise
it’s measly compared to the world of the mind
getting lost in the grand scheme of time
i ain’t got peace of mind
but i’ll give you a piece of my mind
just a lil piece of mine

[chorus]
mother earth is grieving

[spoken word]
we gon’ be the ones leaving
mother earth gon’ be here longer than us
we all die and she remains
will it take climate change to make the climate change?
we ain’t got time to wait
now is the time for change
the system is broke
it don’t make any sense
it’s in need of change

[chorus]
mother earth is grieving

[spoken word]
the children know what’s good
they’ve seen the signs
they’ve felt the pain
it’s time for change
the revolution was already televised
we’ve seen the destruction
we’ve seen the signs
at this rate, it’ll be our demise
we don’t care about your bottom lines
we’ve seen the signs
it’s time for change

[chorus]
mother earth is grieving

[verse 1 john]
this is large scale corruption
that’s why they don’t do nothing
they gonna act like they ain’t seen it coming
you can’t ignore impending destruction
2020 we shoulda seen it coming
we can get anything shipped at the push of a b*tton
but we can’t stop polluting the ocean?

feels like everyday i make a lifestyle change
they claim to be something new all they did was a light style change
i can get really happy but eventually, my smile fades
i look at people but they don’t really reciprocate my gaze

plate full and they still starving
y’all life hardened
you wasn’t this cynical when your life started

i would probably consider myself a lyrical g*nius
they tryna take the p*ss out like the end of a p*n*s

unignorable talent
artistical prowess
no work*life balance
don’t fight the flow like a taoist
the worlds far too callous
but i got thick skin, callus
sleep on the ground
don’t need a mattress

i was stuck in the motions
there was too much commotion
i was controlled by emotion
turbulent like the ocean
i needed devotion
same old basic notions
my ideas had me floating
but i couldn’t evoke ’em
the same everyday motions
scared to take action i was frozen
didn’t know how to approach em
this girl made me open
i get sick roller coastin’
i love it but my head can’t take the motion
i was ramped up i was boastin’
my egos one powerful potion
i was the greatest they was all toastin’
i felt like i was chosen
i felt contrition
my ideas never come to fruition
i’m too cheap to pay for tuition
said i’m next up they didn’t listen
cooking up like the kitchen
this not premonition or intuition
this just my mission
i got that ambition
i feel like they ain’t wanna pitch in
i’m a point guard the way i be dishin’
this the sh*t that y’all be missing
it’s all part of the system
y’all don’t needa ask for permission
always looking more stimulation
wish it was just simulation
feel like i’m living in an emulation
bootleg of a more polished version
scottish warrior rushing into battle
knew they were dead even before i kilt em
even before i dipped my pen into the well of thoughts in my brain
brought ’em to the paper and spilt ’em
my lyrics some real sh*t that’s why they feel ’em
you gotta find people you can be real with
he doesn’t even know why he writes poems
mysterious character
n0body truly knows him
put pieces of my soul in my poems
my pain versus the worlds like teardrops in the ocean
you ever had a dream where?
where you could you…
you’d do anything to fulfill it?
that’s that real sh*t
you don’t know if it’s a good idea
but you’d regret it if you ain’t realize it

becoming disinterested in the things you so want to love
realizing you have the perfect life yet that’s not enough
visualizing scenarios that have yet to come
while dwelling in a present that just doesn’t stack up

life*giving me mixed signals
you gotta keep your head up
but just put your head down
i work long nights i’m in the zone
but no touchdown
flying high feeling good
can’t come down
it’s gon be a rough touch down
i don’t pay attention to the news
but i’m more in touch now
it took me so long to accept the now
i remember times when i never thought my life would be this exceptional
don’t ever expect life
just respect it, wow
my creative process
made up of eclectic collages
hectic montages
word barrages
impeccable hodgepodges
manifold collections of concepts
infused with perfection composites
fantasy induced erection mirages
in the pursuit of wisdom and knowledge
we resort to professional boxes
and semesters of college
give up what’s left of your vision to impress the all*father
i feel so destined to conquer

i live my life in self*crafted stanzas
philosophical professions of passion
when i go outside my thoughts expansive
the worlds my canvas
wanna live to see a new world like a fetus
say f*ck capitalism not gon feed it
spend my whole looking for meaning
and i’ll always keep on dreaming
but it’ll never be perfect
so i’ll always be scheming
and the kids’ gon need feeding
then they grow up and start forgetting
get juvenoia and they start reminiscing
then they return again to being
the ones who need feeding
so we keep on devoting
and we keep on emoting
i see the suffering it’s a lot that needs solving
i am at peace with the world
and unite with its evolving

i had no ritual had to make my own
had no princ*p*l had to build a home
they want me to define and package my work
i don’t pander to those
raw emotion, the only thing left when everything else goes

i want people to tell me if my sh*ts wack like anthony fantano
they want me to lend them a hand, now i’m feeling like the mano
going ham getting thin prosciutto
don’t let ’em strip you of your identity end up like pluto
your head lacking growth chemo
my capabilities threefold

don’t you think graffiti makes the city pretty?
especially if your neighborhood is kinda sh*tty
speaking infrastructurally
’cause we’re not lacking in diversity
it’s really just monetarily
riding through the city like i used to live on this street this street
on a street near me, the police k!lled a kid named andy
since that day i’ve looked at cops differently
i played with toy guns as a kid
but ’cause of my ethnicity
i’m less likely to be a casualty
of unchecked police brutality
brutality to put it lightly
i seen the police move like the military
these are humans in your own country
not the foreign enemy
is the k!lling necessary?
i support the troops
but i don’t support the military
just like i’d support cops if they weren’t k!lling
unnecessarily
i don’t condone any k!lling actually
i have love for every human
i just hate some of them deeply

every time i think i’ve figured it out this world brings me to my knees
begging for just one more day in this reality
but other days i feel like i’m an absentee
like i’m not even present but they still count on me
serene on the outside, insides verging on insanity
confection cavities
lead to resurrection strategies
unnecessary casualties
make you wish you could reset reality
perplexing fallacies, permeating societies
waves of melancholy
i’ll be better later prolly
wish this sh*t would stop happening to me
i may be sitting in my in that room i’m not in that body
aimlessly wandering carcass lookin’ like a zombie
soul doing somersaults while i’m stuck in place
i’m floating through sp*ce
simultaneously i’m lying flat on my face

teary eyes induce chromatic abbreviations
unmanned sp*ce station
satellite disconnected
no point in communication
sometimes my oddities make it hard to fit in
i don’t see the contemporaries as competition
but they ain’t got as many bars like free*range chickens
or when your cellular plans got a satellite missing
i dream up schemes, wrote that last one while sleepin’

visually impaired doctor
can’t find the cure
wish i could find my patience
but i see all the way to the end
there’s no antic*p*tion
depression leaves no impression
i don’t know where it’s been
it leaves without tellin’

i didn’t expect the person to throw a wrench in my plans would be me
in the fetal position wishing, i could cease to be
sometimes my searching can get the best of me
lost soul no rescuing
wanna forget that i’m me
i just wanna be free
i was having a good time earlier this week
now everything frosted over and bleak
fulfillment doesn’t exist life will never be complete
so much food i got nothing to eat
so much good, it’s means nothing to me

constant blissful nothingness
estranged human consciousness
entangled in a mess of somethingness
triumphant sadness
reluctant gladness
just gotta wallow in the madness

can’t see my vision clouded with big fears
dripping big tears
little cog amongst big gears
i’d go anywhere as long as it ain’t here

as i grow up the people in my life seem to become more and more human
tryna help each other through a life where we got no idea what we’re doing
flys stuck in the web of life waiting on a death that we all knows coming

acknowledging your wrongs still don’t make ’em right
that’s why it’s hard to sleep at night
cheap temporary highs
it’s that hollow stuff that’ll leave you feeling empty inside
the world so beautiful why we huddled inside?
a constant fog across the eyes
distracted from our lives
we are never healed just occupied for some time
looking for the organic in a world obsessed with pesticides
staring at a blue cloud bank on a orange peachy sky
my blue mind blank stormclouds brewing inside
the beauty of this world brings a tear to the eyes
explosive chain reactions going off in the field of my mind
feel like a corrupt memory drive
i need a hard reset
but don’t want to lose all the memory inside
sometimes i don’t even like the things that i write
what’s the point of talking if you ain’t got no insight?
so i keep walking forward with no end in sight
i don’t know where i am
i must be under the skin, right?

i’ve reached the depths of confusion where the sun don’t shine
i’ve reached the heights of delusion i done lost my mind
sometimes i came back in shame, sometimes returned with pride
but i’ve always found something on the other side
don’t believe in talent don’t believe in time
’cause no matter how hard i try
when i wake up in the morning it’s like i walk in blind
seen that even happiness grows sour like limes
it’s like we were all bit by the same fatal bug at the start of our lives
and since then the clocks been ticking on our certain demise
feel like the world ain’t got a place for me
feel like life passing right on by
try to focus on the little things
maybe just then i’ll be alright
could care less about the finer things
but i seen every glimmer in your eyes

tryna tone down the braggadocio ’cause the real world really ain’t about that
i live in a shack
if i needed to move it’d take a few minutes to pack
mind caught in a neverending existential trap
arm out the window
hair catching the wind like a dead cat
i’m a conscious cat
check the discography it’s always been about conscious rap
i’m on that peer*reviewed sci*fi philosophical rap
lying in my bed searching my subconscious for raps
browsing through my head
skimming through my library of facts
searching for bits of data to which my mind can attach
in the pursuit of meaning, i only got more detached
animal instincts kicking in eyes raining out dogs and cats
my st*rdy foundation irrelevant had a roof of thatch
got everything i wanted but it didn’t last
feels like everything just a sacrificial offering to the past
needle in a haystack
fetal position in my egg sack
scrambled eggs where your brains at
education filled the plate of my brain fast
f*ck lent what i need is a brain fast
removing the brain just might cure the pain fast
they listen to my music expecting a nice melody
and some drums that sound like the sound when a train pass
little did they know they’d bought a ticket, a train pass
on my train of thought which is now hurtling down the train tracks
the end of this tracks a trainwreck, a train crash

[voice memo]
a modus vivendi is a way of living it is in your control
a modus operandi is a way of operating it is not yours at all
you can decide the way you want to live
but you can’t decide the collective
influencing the collectives way of operating
that’s the goal, that’s it

- changy lyrics

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