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manlyology - cast of galavant lyrics

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[richard]
(spoken)
whoa! this is amazing! what’s that smell?

[gareth]
testosterone

[richard]
mmmm, musky

[gareth]
if you want your wife to respect you, you have to earn her respect. you need to man up

[richard]
but how?

[gareth]
it just so happens you’re talking to a professor of the art of manhood. lesson one: historical background

(sung)
way back in the ancient ocean
live a flabby, pitiful thing
it was soft and pale
neither female or male
rather like you, my king

this creature was lacking a backbone
it couldn’t stand tall and free
’til it grew a spine
and a pair like mine
and evolved into well, me

now frankly, this could take you
a good ten million year
me, i know a shortcut
may i have some volunteers?

[chef]
(spoken)
he’s looking at me, isn’t he?

[gareth]
(sung)
throw back your shoulders
suck in that gut
seize the advantage
and kick some b-tt
do watcha want
and do it violently
that’sthe secret of manlyology

(spoken)
any questions?

[richard]
(spoken)
will there be a quiz?

[gareth]
(spoken)
no, moving on. lesson two: theory and application

(sung)
now, manhood’s pretty simple
it’s a display of relative might
men give commands and eat with their hands

[richard]
leave the toilet seat up?

[gareth]
d-mn right
does a man ever order a spritzer?

[richard]
no!

[gareth]
does a man wear sandals with socks?

[richard]
no?

[gareth]
does he own a cat?

[richard]
yes!

[gareth]
sure about that?

[richard]
um…

[gareth]
does he think about miniature rocks?

[richard]
p-ss!

[gareth]
does a man mind blood in his mustache?

[richard]
what?

[gareth]
does he care if he smells like -rs-?

[richard]
whose?

[gareth]
does he pick his nose?

[richard]
eww

[gareth]
bros before hoes?

[richard]
duh!

[gareth]
close enough
you p-ss

[richard]
by george, i think i’ve got it!

[gareth]
well, we’ll get you up to speed

[richard]
maybe a private lesson?

[chef]
guess i volunteer

[gareth]
no need

kick into action
and crack that whip
crush all emotion
and one last tip
don’t miss your yearly colonoscopy
that’s the secret of manlyology

[richard]
(spoken)
oh gareth! i can’t thank you enough! tomorrow night i shall dine with madelena. i will show her all i’ve learned. come here, you!

[gareth]
(spoken)
oi! i’ve only hugged one man in my life. it was the day my father died. i squeezed that rotten b-st-rd to death

[richard]
(spoken)
right. we’ll hug later. good talk

[gareth]
(spoken)
yeah

- cast of galavant lyrics

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