dear dominion… - cameron hinkle lyrics
dear dominion…
we’re in the club now
trying to fit in, but i don’t know how
picking at my nails nervous to the bone
everyone here is getting real low
all because they saw my face
which to me is a big disgrace
but they told me that we were gonna go up real high
so much so that you’ll be able to fly
“what’s wrong? can’t you talk?”
is what they said
but all i did was nod my head
up and down holding them tears back
cause i know deep down i’m fat
but they understood what i was going through
they knew how bad i hated food
but they accepted me for who i am
they accepted me… man…
let me say that i’m thankful for life
more than back then when i picked up the knife
no more isolating alone in my room
but i know we’ll become friends very soon
basic math adds up to this day
what more is there to say?
man, no more k!lling myself on the inside
no more k!lling myself up in my mind
now i’m getting postcards in the mail
asking me if i have yet to fail
i say in my head that there’s no way
i’ve said too much man, too much to say
i’m happy now, i’m living a married life
my life is up in the sky like a kite
so when i’m feeling down i know i can
cause i’m a good person… man…
yeah, i’m big, and i wish i went back to looking sick
i would eat my food very quick
look at myself and think i’m thick
i would spend hours touching my body tryna pick
i just want to hit myself with a brick
how can i get skinnier? is there a trick?
but i want to move on and get over it, uh
laying on the floor is starting to feel sorrow
maybe it’ll feel better with her by tomorrow
cause she doesn’t see me as that disappointment
all i get out of her is enjoyment
this place was easy and had a sort of comfort
don’t say she doesn’t matter, she comes first
cause i know she’ll kiss me on the forehead when i’m unhappy
but nowadays, she’s not here and i’m feeling real cr*ppy
see that’s when i’m sorry
cause i hate my body
and by the time they bring out the drinks
i would much prefer the coffee
i want to look at the happiest person and press copy
she was someone i would’ve liked to have embodied
i don’t feel sober, cause it’s never over
every day it seems like it gets even lower
day by day she gets closer and closer
when will i get the chance to feel the closure
i remember one day i got her a necklace
that was back when i was thin and sick
hey mom look at me now i’m healthy right
then why does every pair of clothes feel real tight
i’m bleak now, grief now, just tell me how
i can get to a place where you can allow
all the restricting, binging, and all the things i’ve learned
in the hospital which i felt like i deserved
all the pain, crying, and feelings in my mind
have followed me since then they’ve followed me inside
dancing with her ghost at night makes me want to cry
because every time that happens it gets me to remind
i’m blind, combined, and assigned to this life
please mom and dad just let me have the knife
cause if i have it in my room i can’t do this without
that weapon in my mind gives me a way out
pretty much i’m at my lowest point
my life is like a flipping coin
i’m tired of letting people down
i need the noises to get the f*ck out
all i need is someone to make me smile
but she is far away for miles
every night i stay awake and cry
and in return everyone makes a sigh
i’m in so much pain i can’t think straight
life is the hook and i’m the bait
i’m tired of living everyday like it’s the last
just every time everyone in the past
i hate myself for who i am
when i express myself people tell me to scram
every time i try to cope
but how can you do that with no hope?
yeah, everyday is a struggle for myself
especially with all the things i’ve dealt
i’m trying to make people provoke it
but it’s hard i’m trying to focus
i want so bad to send a postcard
give it love from all my heart
every night i lie in bed
i go to sleep with so much stress
just take me now, please i’m in pain
so what’s more there is to gain?
the inner demons are under the clothes
while everyone else is putting on a show
yeah i’ve experienced things no one should
i’d take it all back if i could
i pace around my own room at night
i battle a lot of voices i’m trying to fight
my parents are not doing so good either
i’m so down it’s worse than a fever
depression can take a toll on a person
especially when it gets very worsened
when i stepped through those terrifying doors
expecting pain and bore
but what i got was friends and family
but now, man… man…
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