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girlfriend - caleb kitchen lyrics

[intro]
hey everybody, (hey)
uh, you’re not gonna believe this, (believe what?)
but, uh, y’know that, uh, that trip i took? (yeah, with your family?)
well, (what? dude, tell us, man)

[verse]
i met my dream girl out of state
her and i went on a couple dates
now we’re together, and she is totally real, (no way)
she’s really freakin’ pretty
and she’s pretty freakin’ smart
she thinks i’m handsome
and she gave me her heart
she’s even cooler than the batmobile (no way)

and not many things are cooler than that
i mean that’s a car that belongs to a bat
you can’t talk to her now ’cause she’s on her period, (what’s a period?)
well, it’s a thing that girls get, where they just can’t speak
you won’t be able to talk to her for at least another week
but she makes me the happiest kid, (what’s her name?)

[transition]
uh, her name is mia
her last name’s quesadilla
it’s a coincidence that’s it’s on my plate, (okay)
she’s from a very small town
you couldn’t look it up
but i swear it’s a really real place! (no way)
[verse 2]
and i can’t hang out on valentine’s day, (what?)
’cause she wants me to be with her, or something g*y
but it’s not like i totally want to (no, dude, we gotta hang out then, man)
look guys, i know it’s hard for you to understand
you guys still make love to your hand, (what?)
but when you have a totally real girlfriend it’s just something you do
(no)

[transition 2]
and i have a totally real girlfriend
there’s no reason to lie
why would i make this up
just to impress you guys
when you made it obvious you don’t care
you wanna make fun of me?
take a hike
at least i know what a girl’s p*n*s looks like, (haha they don’t have one) (haha, they have chinas, dude)
i know they don’t have one, i was kidding, i swear!

[bridge]
she’s amazing, (uh huh)
she has blonde hair, (okay)
she’s breathtaking, (uh huh)
she has red hair, (okay)
and i love her
and i don’t care
if you think she’s under, (under what?)
ha! you said underwear! (you’re lying) (you suck c*cks)
[verse 3]
guys, i’m not lying
and i don’t suck c*cks
i’m telling my dad
to ban you on xbox
he owns all of microsoft (show us a picture then)
he’ll even delete your world
so you better shut up
i’m on the phone with my girlfriend
hey, what’s up? (pants on fire) (he’s not on the phone)
her voice is s*xier that lara croft’s (he’s not on the phone, dude)
(yeah, he’s not on the phone dude, you said she’s on a period)

[transition 3]
yes, i’m actually on the phone, (then let us talk to her, dude, show us a picture)
no, leave me alone, (liar, liar, pants on fire) (i wanna hang out on valentine’s day) (i got the phone, guys no one’s there)
she hung up before you could talk, (i wanna hang out on valentine’s day!) (okay he’s definitely lying) (hey, can i come over this weekend?) [?]
guys, please stop!

[outro]
you guys are just jealous
of the love i’ve felt
and i don’t care if you don’t believe her
she makes me believe in myself

- caleb kitchen lyrics

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