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navigate 2 - caleb fields lyrics

i never had a dad
so you automatically got the bid
always thought you were mom’s favorite
the way she went out of her way
when she got up in the middle of the night
and drove to you in the bay
even when i moved in
i thought that you was super cool
dopest job and dopest kids
living rich and not in the grid
the schools you picked
and where you lived
the life you built
was what i wanted
i know it’s wrong
but you was my idol
thought we’d always get along
and you could never
never ever hurt me
and even when i was a fool
and acted in my childish ways
i just wanted your attention
wanted to be cool always
i was scared of being left
of being stuck all on my own
guess i was a fool for that
cause i’m the one that cut you off
i’ve hated you for long enough
i can’t really keep this up
this pain is making my life tough
jesus said to let it go
but i’m struggling with that
cause our squabble started with mom
and your disrespect in fact
your presence always stirs up qualms
this is all i’m finna say
so might as well just let it out
anger is real justified
the way you brought my darkness out
the way you accused me of hurting mom
suggesting that i could k!ll her
the way you tried to step to me
the way you tried to p*ss me off
the way you tried to bully me
told me that i was worthless
hatred is so new to me
i have never felt before
i’m sure you heard on navigate
i just wanted to leave you sore
now i know that was satan
and i can’t never let him in
tryna be a child of god
that means that i’ll still act like kin
i’m sorry for that hate i spewed
know it divided like berlin
tryna make my mama proud
that has been my goal since hope
see his glory in my will
my mind’s on him you know that’s dope
jesus can you be the father
that you know i never had
so i won’t seek validation
from broke and shameless people
who will never have my best at heart
and hurt in ways that leave me scarred
will you accept the mess of me
and love me when i decide to leave
will you be there arms wide open
standing, waiting with reprieve
i know i’m like that son in luke
who’s selfish, greedy, and unworthy
but your grace is everlasting
you love me and it is eternal
this weight of loss is so heavy
still miss my mama every day
the pain of hate is like a levee
and my future’s like a river
jesus help me break this off
i know your mercy gives me peace
lord you know i love you
and this ain’t my mother’s faith
you found me in that hospital
when i tried to take my life
and again in boarding school
when all i felt was pain and strife
once more when mama died
when i found her hollowed out
i pray for healing every day
pray that i can become new
give me grace so i can say
i forgive you

- caleb fields lyrics

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