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joseph smith, american moses - book of mormon lyrics

[nabulungi, spoken]
and now we wish to honour you with the story of joseph smith, the american moses!

[mission president]
well this is very good, praise christ

[ensemble, sung]
mormon!
[nabulungi, spoken]
i’m going to take you back in time
to the united states year 1823
a small and odd village called
oopstate, new york
there was disease and famine
but also in the village lived a simple farmer who would change everything
his name… was joseph smith [ensemble]
mormon!
mormon!

oop-state!
so sick!

[ensemble, sung]
ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya
joseph smith, american moses!
praise be to joseph!
american prophet man!

[“joseph smith”, spoken]
hi! my name is joseph smith, and i’m going to f-ck this baby!

[mission president]
what?!

[ensemble, sung]
no, no, joseph!
don’t f-ck the baby!
joseph smith
don’t f-ck the baby!

[nabulungi, spoken]
suddenly, the clouds parted and joseph smith was visited by god!

[“god”, sung]
joseph smith
do not f-ck a baby
i’ll get rid of your aids
if you f-ck this frog

[ensemble]
ha-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya-ya!

[nabulungi, spoken]
joseph smith f-cked the frog god gave him, and his aids went away! then a great wizard named moroni came down from the starship enterprise.

[“moroni”]
joseph smith! your village is sh-t! you should lead the villagers to a new village. take these f-cking golden plates!

[ensemble, sung]
away!

[nabulungi, spoken]
and on the plates were written the directions to a new land: sal tlay ka siti!

[ensemble, sung]
sal tlay ka siti!

[nabulungi, spoken]
joseph tried to convince all the villagers to follow him and his golden plates

[“joseph smith”, spoken]
liberation! equality! no more slavery for oopstate mormon people!
[“joseph smith”, sung]
i got da golden plates
i gonna lead the people
we gotta stick together
we gotta help each other
and so we climb the mountain
and we cross the river
and we fight the oppression
by being nice to everyone [ensemble]
gold plates
we head west
mormons
we’re mormons
we head west
we head west
mormons
we are mormons!

[“brigham young”, spoken]
not so fast mormons! you shall not p-ss my mountain!

[ensemble, sung]
down from the mountain look who comes!
the american warman, brigham young!

[“brigham young”, spoken]
yes! i am brigham young! i cut off my daughter’s cl-toris! that made god angry, so he turned my nose into a cl-t for punishment!

[ensemble, sung]
brigham young, his nose was a cl-toris
what will you do joseph?
will you fight the cl-toris man?

[“joseph smith”, spoken]
not fight him, help him!

[ensemble]
oooh!

[nabulungi, spoken]
joseph smith took his magical f-ck frog and rubbed it upon brigham young’s cl-t-face. and behold, brigham was cured!

[ensemble, sung]
joseph smith! magical aids frog!
brigham young, frog on his cl-t-face!

[nabulungi, spoken]
brigham young was so grateful, he decided to join the mormons on their journey

[“joseph smith”]
comp-ssion!

[“brigham young”]
courtesy!

[“joseph smith”]
let’s be really f-cking polite to everyone!
[“joseph smith”, sung]
i got da golden plates
i gonna lead the people
we gotta stick together [ensemble]
gold plates
we head west
mormons!

[nabulungi, spoken]
now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad

[ensemble]
oh…

[nabulungi]
after travelling for so long, the mormons ran out of fresh water and became sick… with dysentery

[ensemble, sung]
blood go to the water, water go to the cup
cup go to the stomach, sh-t come out the b-tt
sh-t go in the water, water go in the cup
sh-t go down the stomach, sh-t come out the b-tt

[“joseph smith”, spoken]
oh, f-ck!

[nabulungi]
oh, no! the prophet joseph smith is now getting sick!

[ensemble, sung]
sh-t go in the water, water go in the cup
cup go to the thirsty, sh-t go to the stomach
blood come out the b-tt
blood go in the water, water go in the cup
cup go to the throat, sh-t blood in the stomach
sh-t blood in the mouth, sh-t blood on the insides
water come out the b-tt!

[“joseph smith”]
brigham young, you must take the golden plates and lead the mormons to the promise land!

[“brigham young”]
desperation!
mortality!
loss of faith!
[“brigham young”]
i… got the golden plates
i gonna lead the people?
… [ensemble]
gold plates!
we head west!
…

[nabulungi, spoken]
even though their prophet had died, the mormons stuck together and helped each other and were really nice to everyone they came across. and then one day, the mormons finally found sal tlay ka siti!

{ensemble, sung]
sal tlay ka siti!

[nabulungi, spoken]
and then, the mormons danced with ewoks and were greeted by jesus!

[“jesus”, spoken]
welcome, mormons! now, let’s all have as many babies as we can and make big, mormon families! woo hoo!

[ensemble, sung]
f-ck your woman, f-ck your man
it is all part of god’s plan
mormons help god as they can
here in salt lake city land!

thank you
thank you, god!
now we are f-cking
thank you
thank you, god!
god wants us f-cking
thank you
thank you, god!
get back to f-cking
thank you
thank you, god!

joseph smith f-ck frog
brigham young cl-t face
sh-t come out the b-tt
jesus says f-ck, f-ck, mormons!

- book of mormon lyrics

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