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my mind - bonkaz lyrics

verse 1:
my brother [?] he just told me something personal
even though i haven’t said much, i just hope he knows i heard it all
hope he knows im down with anything hes tryna work towards
coz that sh-t cut me deep, cut me deep like it was surgical
my aunty needed surgery, i swear that news there hurt us all
operating theather, i thought that could be her curtain call
my mum contained her fears, but she was scared and i was nervous too
once again i chose to hide my tears behind a burning wall
my fears where it was terminal, that took control of my mind
like i dont know if shes gonna live but i just know shes alive
like i dont know just what this is but i just hold it inside
my heart just like a winter night, that sh-t gets colder with time
thats probably why i love my ex, but i can’t tell her i miss her
sometimes i cut the whole world off except for my sister
man im my own worst enemy, im my own pagan
i feel like my inner child will die if i dont save him
man it gets deeper than the surface, ive seen a couple murders
it ain’t lovely but dont judge me think i seen that sh-t on purpose
and you bumped your head when i was talking greezy sh-t on verses
told them ghetto, high and mighty and dont be screaming all my curses
i tried to think bout what loraine would do? or what shaun would think?
if he saw me sitting in this room with all this drink
about to over do it and then i over did it
tried to think it over then i over think it

chorus:
memories sinkin’, deep in, leakin’ in my mine
all of the time tried to forget you
thought i could get you to be mine
memories sinkin’, deep in, leakin’ in my mine
all of the time i can’t forget to
try to forget you in my mine

verse 2:
this ain’t a nightmare, maybe im just scared of my dreams
i spent my life here, so maybe im just scared to achieve
im in the light, when it was dark i was there with my team
these women fighting for my heart that i wear on my sleeve
but would they really want my heart if i told them it wasn’t beating
told them how i was grieving, show me what you believe in
show me what you can show me, i’ll hold you down if you need it
but if looks is all that you got to show me then i can’t see it
swear i can see them demons, h-ll yeah i can feel them breathing
they told me they was the truth, and i swear i nearly believed them
thats scary n-gga, i mean it, every chick that i’ve been with has been, jealous, bitter or seen me as benefits till i leave them
swear the victories sweetened, whenever chicks been the reason, you said that sh-t, its like beating dont get that sh-t, [?] i was jealous in the museum, touched what i werent supposed to, the f-ck is your boyfriend gon do, tell him i’d love to meet him
for real i can feel the pressure, no deal i can still get better
i got substance in pen, you can feel every single letter
my parents they were so poor, i was serving them on the corner
and a while ago my circle was square till i cut the corners
and my closest friend ain’t got time to spare cos he got a daughter
i times i think he feels like n0body cares, but hes not a talker
i just hope he knows that i will be there when its important
thats the responsibility that we share, and i put my all in
i was mourning in the morning, grieving in the evening
no talking i kept my thoughts in, i weren’t speaking on my feelings
wouldn’t share em with a soul, its crazy man i know
my baby cousin in the coffin, im just staring in the hole
like what the f-ck happened? f-ck rapping and f-ck trapping, f-ck my life, f-ck my dreams and f-ck the mandem
then i take it back, i love my team, i love the mandem
but the pain is mad, and its underneath they don’t understand it

- bonkaz lyrics

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