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mommy dearest (a eulogy) - boldy james & sterling toles lyrics

[verse 1]
sometimes i feel like a motherless child
get out of line, and i’m gunnin’ you down, so stay in single file
‘fore you in the line of fire, tryna renege
like you threw a nine of diamonds out when i led with spades
and you sittin’ trump tight
we got hand grenades, i pull this pin, it’s goodnight
sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite
keep a razor blade or jagged*edge butcher knife
street life, don’t catch them lead slugs, strike or get struck
like a match, need a light? light you up like a lamp
l!ckin’ shots like some c*nt or a stamp
with my lightning and thunderous twin five*sevens
mommy, my aunties, and grandma are stressin’
that i need a job but i can’t stop peddlin’ drugs
with them drug zone concreature spartans
i don’t show love, i’m heartless

[?]
[verse 2]
askin’ our mommy, “where daddy went?”
to our daddy, “where mommy at?”
him tellin’ me she ain’t comin’ back
me lookin’ at my four year old sister
tears runnin’ down her poor little dimples, d*mn
memories when it was hard for your little mans
can it be that it was all so simple then?
tellin’ me that you was on your way to come see me
and left me sittin’ on the porch in the rain, freezing
had me feelin’ like an orphan, the pain stingin’
and gettin’ stung by a h*rnet ain’t the same, neither
it run further and way deeper than a heartbreakin’ mind*bogglin’ brain freezer
tellin’ james [?] “i’m never sellin’ dope”
and when he said “never”, that’s when he let me know
to never say “never”, because you never know
and if you love someone, let ’em know

[?]

[chorus]
’cause she don’t even love me like she did when i was younger
seems to me she’s showing favoritism to my younger
sibling, thinking, “i wonder if he even love me”
i love you, i just got a f*cked up way of showin’ it
’cause she don’t even love me like she did when i was younger
suckin’ on her breast just to stop my f*ckin’ hunger
since i was an itty*bitty baby in her stomach
i know my mother wish she got a* wish she got a* wish she got a*
[verse 3]
dear, dear mommy, dearest
i’m dying to live, so i stay strapped
you tried to k!ll me, i died and i came back
not to mention i gotta deal white and sell crack
you gotta feel me, ’cause i ain’t have them racetrack
cars for christmas, or a nintendo
they stole ’em from us, the night ‘fore christmas
the window was broken out the house we lived in
on fairfield, it was way back, i can remember
when i ain’t had this pyrex pot to whip in
or no endo to smoke an ounce of, a pot to p*ss in
a window to throw it out of, now i’m sh*ttin’
with this toilet tissue roll of dollars
i wipe my ass with the grants
i’m a hundred dollar dollar billin’
in detroit, we get it ’em on consignment
i’m tryna get it, ’cause now i’m on some other kinda type of sh*t
that didn’t k!ll me, now i’m stronger, mama
my fears, i learned to overcome

was there any particular song of yours you remember that she really* that she found super depressing?

i referenced, uh, biggie’s song where he said, you know, his mama wished she had a f*ckin aborti*
i made a hook out of that line
and it was just called “mommy dearest”
this, of course, is the biggie track “suicidal thoughts” from ready to die that boldy sampled for “mommy dearest”. unfortunately, “mommy dearest” doesn’t appear to be anywhere online, and because boldy’s out on tour, he was unable to get us the track in time for the release of this episode

the song’s just dark. my man sterling toles, he produced it, and he used to always tell me to be more personal. so, the more personal i got, the darker my music got. and then, people had to, like, bring me back to the light and started telling me, like, “why don’t you try to have fun and party more with your music?” so that’s where we at with it now (mhm)

she don’t even love me like she did when i was younger
suckin’ on her breast just to stop my f*ckin’ hunger
since i was an itty*bitty baby in her stomach
i know my mother wish she got a f*ckin’ abortion

you tried to k!ll me, i died, and i came back

- boldy james sterling toles lyrics

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