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sinking - blood girl lyrics

so this is the first time i dreamt that you raped me
i’m used to the nightmares i remember them faintly
i couldn’t really breathe ’cause your body was too heavy
i tapped on your shoulder as to ask you to not break me

i woke up in cold sweats the dream lasted weeks
standing on the train station holding back tears
dream became reality and reality too real
so i just laid in silence and waited to not feel

and i’m pretending to be ok when i know that i am not
i am cutting so much lately everything i see is blood
and i am waiting at the bus stop i am sitting on a chair
everything around me is moving and i’m barely here

i skipped school again today
like all the other times
where i just choose to lay in bed
instead of waking up and doing things
and trying hard to reach within
to find a tiny piece of me
that isn’t too sick to live

living is a curse but i’ve committed to the crime
i am here and i am breathing i am doing my time
i am sick of all the waiting but i fear what will come next
i’d like to sit in peace and quiet with a clock that never ticks
and i am tired of my brain and i am tired of myself
i just lay in bed cus everything inside me is a mess
and nothing ever makes me happy except for slitting my own skin
even though i finally know why it’s the painfullest of sins

and i’m pretending to be sleeping when i know that i am not
as to rewrite my own dreams so once i’ve hopefully forgot
cus my brain likes to take good things i have and quickly make them rot
so i don’t like to close my eyes ’cause everything i see is mud

i should just give up today
like all the other times where i just choose to lay in bed
instead of doing stuff and being happy
and having hope for something that maybe will come along
outta my brain like in this song i realise that i’m way more sad
than i would ever have known had i just stayed in my bed
watching stupid shows and pretending even to myself
’cause i don’t know how i can fix this sh*t
i don’t know why i’m like this
depression is a hole
and no matter what i do i still sink
i still sink
i still sink

- blood girl lyrics

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