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quarantine blues - blood girl lyrics

and when i wanted something i could write about i guess
i didn’t think that meant i’d get this sh*t depression again
i am aware that i’ve been pushing down the symptoms yet
i just didn’t want to face this sh*tty part of myself

i’d have more luck in getting better if i tried
to get up outta bed instead im forced to stay inside
i dont like looking in the mirror so i close my eyes
instead of looking in the mirror and understanding why

i am wasting time im laying in a coffin bed
and now my bedsheets smell like nothing but the living dead
i think im wasting time on nothing to convince myself
that i am weirdly ok wasting into nothingness

last year flew by like a paper bag in open air
and i was standing on the brink of nothing halfway there
and just as always i got pulled back like a punctured lung
so why do i keep crawling back there like i want to jump

and when i asked for something i could write about i meant
maybe falling in love though i know that never ends well
there is this thing that feels disgusting being loved and seen
thats why i haven’t kissed anyone since i was seventeen

i know im not always the worst at every single thing i do
but being isolated with myself just makes it feel so true
my head is pounding like a paper cut and i can’t sleep
in fact i wake up every single night at 5 from sh*tty dreams
this quarantine is f*cking up my mental health
i am counting flakey paint chips as i lay in bed
i get dressed for my own sake to tolerate myself
cus in my pjs i just feel like i am actually dead

and when i thought i would get better just from working hard
i didn’t think about the my*brain*is*just*broken part
i know im better than i ever thought i would be yet
im not well enough to even be considered well

- blood girl lyrics

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