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lying to myself - blood girl lyrics

most of what i write about is sadness but i guess
its just an easier emotion to dig into than the rest
theres always layers top of layers of self hatred i can dig thru
whilst the positives just gather dust in corners of my brain goo
when i go to sleep i watch the dust bunnies like pretty flowers
and i count the sheep while they tirelessly jump around for hours
the night is gorgeous in its greyish blue and i love how calm i feel
when im awake inside this quietness that almost feels unreal

why am i crying? crying over what?
and my pillowcase is drying with ounces of my snot
i feel like emptiness colliding cus i am bored by everything
but i just want to feel alright ish i dont want to feel like sh*t
why am i lying? lying cus of what?
cus i keep telling you i am fine but im actually not
i think its more about my own sh*t than anybody else
but that doesn’t make it less weird cus then im just lying to myself

im going sorta crazy how bout you are you ok?
i miss my friends and i miss school but time just flies and goes away
i think two weeks are spent now nothings new just laying in my bed
im taking naps to try and sleep until its all normal again
keeping up with everyone has been the hardest task
cus back before this quarantine i saw them at their desks
in school we sat out on the balcony and smoked when we felt like it
now the weather is amazing but we’re all stuck in our apartments
why am i crying? crying over what?
and my pillowcase is drying with ounces of my snot
i feel like emptiness colliding cus i am bored by everything
but i just want to feel alright ish i dont want to feel like sh*t
why am i lying? lying cus of what?
cus i keep telling you i am fine but im actually not
i think its more about my own sh*t than anybody else
but that doesn’t make it less weird cus then im just lying to myself

why am i hiding? hiding cus of what?
cus if i want to go outside i can do that if i want
but i just dont have a routine now it was pulled out of my hands
and now its expected that i do the things i could but now i can’t
why am i dying? dying over what?
its like stupid how im trying it makes life feel like a job
i am an expert in my own sh*t but i miss everyone else
everything is weird now im just lying to myself

- blood girl lyrics

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