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hurting myself - blood girl lyrics

just because i survived
doesn’t make me stronger
i don’t feel like a survivor
i feel like frankenstein’s monster
artificially alive
with shackles stapled to my ankles
carrying weights that aren’t mine
with a body torn and tangled

i am still alive just like a c*ckroach
hiding underneath your sink
i survived but not on purpose
and what do i have to show for it?
a repertoire of sorry songs
and calloused fingers playing chords
i write and write with no prevail
i have a backpack full of rocks
but all the rocks build up in time
and whilst i know their mine to carry
they were never really mine
i have to bear your heavy burden
have to bear it and survive
but god i can’t keep pushing rocks up hills
when they keep rolling down

so i’m staying in my dirt hole
like an ostrich saving face
leave my tossed out dirty clothes around
like a makeshift bed
and if i curl up in the corner
to cry until i sleep
that’ll be another question
i’ll avoid and then repeat

not saving myself for anyone
i’m saving you from me
‘cus i’m as toxic as a wasteland
and as awful as can be
i’m like candy good in portions
but i’ll carve holes in your t**th
and i’ll smother all your organs
’til you grow tired of me
i have a chain that jingle jangles
all the way home to my bed
and if my body’s scarred and mangled
that means i’m making progress
i know moving on will hurt
and holy f*ck it hurts like h*ll
but god i can’t push rocks up hills without hurting myself

- blood girl lyrics

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