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to be announced - bill sutton lyrics

it’s midnight in a small atlanta suburb
as fergie jerkins wakes to start his day
he grabs his dog*eared copy of the tv guide
and he searches for the entry “tba”

to be announced!
there’s excitement in the words “to be announced”
maybe wrestling in lime jello, maybe (that jim acre?) fellow
maybe something green and moldy with a lovely bachelorette
it’s a nightly tv gamble, but the couch potatoes ramble
to the tеlevision set for programs yet to bе announced

so fergie spends his hours watching reruns
of tv shows too bad to even name
while he eats eight bags of nachos and a diet rite cola
and the laugh track burns these words into his brain:

to be announced!
antic*p*tion in the phrase “to be announced”
could be dracula in color, could be cooking shows or, duller
lawrence welk and guy lombardo play a springsteen quodlibet
it’s a nightly tv gamble, but the couch potatoes ramble
to the television set for programs yet to be announced

so fergie saves his nights to watch the b00b tube
just waiting for the next unlisted show
his children haven’t seen him since the power failure
and his wife’s had two more kids he doesn’t know
to be announced!
doesn’t that just make you drool, “to be announced”?
while the neighbor’s watching johnny, fergie’s watching clips of ronnie
in a long*forgotten movie starring bonzo in tibet
it’s a nightly tv gamble, but the couch potatoes ramble
to the television set for programs yet to be announced

but his family still loves him, in a fashion
just as long as fergie’s pension still gets paid
and they know, when fergie passes to that great sky sofa
just what his epitaph is gonna say:

“to be announced!
he was born to fill a slot to be announced
and his soul is somewhere finer, where he sits in a recliner
and saint peter won’t reveal what’s coming in on heaven*net
it’s eternal tv gambles, while the couch potatoes ramble
and on every tv set’s a program yet to be announced.”

- bill sutton lyrics

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