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beer bed - bill sutton lyrics

it was the finest waterbed that megabucks could buy
carved from solid ebony, it stood two meters high
it had every single option, and it came with scuba gear
but joey made a boo*boo when he filled it full of beer

chorus:
oh, please don’t bounce, my darling, you’ll churn it into foam
i love it when you do that, but it makes the mattress groan
i can feel the pressure building and it’s messing up my head
those tremors that you’re feeling aren’t passion, they’re the bed

now joey was a hardy man with but one poor desire
he needed him some women who could set his nights on fire
but nature played him rotten; he could never be a stud
with the soul of casanova in the bod of elmer fudd

the ladies thought him wonderful, quite charming and elite
and not a one would kiss him on the lips or on the cheek
the day that he’d made up his mind to be a monk instead
he walked into the store and saw that vision of a bed

(chorus)

so joey bought the mattress and he rubbed his hands with glee
“for surely this here waterbed will bring the chicks to me!”
but waterbeds are common and no longer make ’em swoon
they still thought he was charming and still stayed out of his room
so joey had another thought: “to make my offer new
i’ll drain out all the water and i’ll fill the bed with brew
then even if i don’t get laid, at least i’ll have a treat
to while away the hours while i lie and beat my…head against the wall.”

(chorus)

the bed was now an item and joe finally hit on one
who said, “sure, i’ll come home with you for beer and s*x and fun!”
it stunned him into silence, for he’d never heard a “yes”
he knew he’d hit the jackpot when she started to undress

he just could not contain himself; he leapt upon the bed
they bounced and rolled and tumbled from the foot up to the head
the mattress churned and rumbled, but the action didn’t stop
till joey gave a shudder and the mattress blew its top

(chorus)

the force of the explosion blew the windows out for miles
the only thing they found was her, and she could only smile
and as for joe, we hope he’s in a fine and pleasant place
despoiling alien women as he rides his bed through sp*ce

(chorus)

- bill sutton lyrics

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