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unisex chip shop - bill bailey lyrics

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i used to buy my chips
from an oppressive chip shop regime,
the girl who worked there
she seemed happy
but i knew it was not what it seemed,
“do you want salt and vinegar?”
was what they made her say,
but in the language of the ghetto
that means “help,
i’m a woman in chains!”

i wanted to free her,
in my dreams i would see her
running naked through the woods round rainham
if i had some tigers i’d train them
to protect her
from the s-xual facism that was lurking round the gherkins

i’d lean across the counter and we would talk,
i carved her name, debbie, on a little wooden fork,
but into the shop came a skin-head gang
they sn-tched the fork from my hand
debbie, she looked at me
to -ssert my masculinty i said “oi!”
they said “what?!”
i said “nothing.”

- bill bailey lyrics

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