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those wonderful sophie tucker jokes (live) - bette midler lyrics

i was in the woods last night with my boyfriend ernie, and he said to me “soph”,(he always called me soph), he said to me “soph, these woods sure are dark i sure wish i had a flash light”, i said to him “so do i ernie. you have been munching gr-ss for the last ten minutes.”

i will never forget it. it was on the occasion of ernie’s eightieth birthday and in honor of the occasion he married a twenty year old girl. and he rang me up the very next day and he said to me “soph, soph, i have just married myself a twenty year old girl, what do you think of that”. and i said to him “ernie when i am eighty years old i shall marry myself a twenty year old boy, and let me tell you something ernie twenty goes into eighty a h-ll of a lot more than eighty goes into twenty.”

i was in bed last night with my boyfriend ernie, and he said to me “soph, you got no t-ts and a tight box”. i said to him “ernie get off my back.”

- bette midler lyrics

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