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bizarre christmas incident - ben folds five lyrics

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(ho, ho, ho…play it grandpa…yeah, play it…let’s tell them a little story
about what happened this christmas…. yeah, tell them… tell ’em ’bout
christmas)

christmas eve, i didn’t get much sleep
i kept hearing things, heavy breathing from the chimney
who could it be?

(i’ll tell you what it was… what happened then, ben?… yeah, what
happened?… well, i went back to sleep… you went back to sleep? back to
sleep? sh-t… tired man, went back to sleep)

and in the morning, i couldn’t believe my eyes
a whale of a corpe with a long white beard
was dangling over the fire

oh, santa he’s a big fat f-ck
went down the chimney got his fat -ss stuck
oh, honey, call the lawyers fast
’cause mrs. clause is gonna sue my -ss
hey, hey, hey

(ok grandpa, step up, sing in this thing right here, tell ’em what you saw,
tell ’em what you saw grandpa)

i gotta tell you folks,
he wasn’t wearin no clothes
he musta rubbed a whole gallon of crisco oil
from his back down to his toes
while i was talking to the cops outside
the dog was lickin crisco off of his thighs
they hauled him away in a double-wide
what a sad, sad way to die
hey, hey, hey

santa, he’s a big, fat f-ck
went down the chimney, got his fat -ss
oh, honey call the lawyers fast,
mrs. claus is gonna sue our -ss

- ben folds five lyrics

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