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you've arrived - ben caplan lyrics

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you’ve arrived, that much is clear
god knows where you’re coming from
but, now you’re here
just relax, but not too much
i need your cooperation to ensure a gentle touch

i will need a volunteer
maybe two, to get us going
there’s a lot to get through here

thank you, sir, and thank you, ma’am
step right up for your exam
you will help to demonstrate
for all eight*hundred*forty*eight

you’ll survive, so have no fear
you have traveled long and far
but now the journey’s end is near
you say, ‘thank you, i’m in your debt’
i would like to say ‘you’re welcome’ but that’s not established yet

we must move through some formalities
prescribed by the bureaucracy
upon which we must all agree
before i can say that you’re free

for the right to own a dollar, a quick check to test for cholera
a formality, i’m certain
“could i step behind a curtain?”
there’s no time for modesty!
another boat arrives at three
there’s chickenpox, appendicitis, measles
polio, bronchitis, typhoid, and a rabid fever
all the doctors here are eager!

now, let’s try a couple poses
turn around and touch your toeses
and the of course this pose exposes
places that don’t smell like roses
“but for modesty, god chose us!”
there’s no time for buxom hosers!
but as the brush brush hair hits your noses
you must have got tuberculosis

[outro]
just a little degradation
before you can join our nation
do you accept our invitation?
conditional
only verified
and certified
certificate
of sanitation!

- ben caplan lyrics

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